750 Words on Advice

I like to give advice.

I really do. I am an opinionated person, and I have a big mouth. I often tell my team, when asked, I will always make a decision, so if you dont want me to make a decision, then dont ask.

I like to give advice.

Over the years, I have made many mistakes, both personally and professionally. It seems that sharing those experiences is a good thing. So, I give advice.

I like to give advice.

Maybe its a Jewish thing? Maybe its something that my family does. During most conversations I have with my sisters, Mom and Dad, there are moments where advice is given or sought. Its almost just part of the fabric of our interactions.

I like to give advice.

I get emails from entrepreneurs asking about their startups, difficulties they are facing, Techstars, fund raising, and other startup questions. I love sitting down, either in person or over the phone and having a quick conversation. I answer every email (as timely as I can) honestly and with (what I think) solid advice.

I like to give advice.

Over the last few days, it finally dawned on me that the operative word in that sentence was “I”. I like to give advice. Ive never really stopped to think if the other person wants to hear my advice.

Last night, I had a text message exchange with a friend. It kinda went exactly like this:

Me: Anything I can help with?

Her: I’m good for now. A little adviced out for the day. xoxo

Me: I’m finished giving anyone advice.

Her: Oh come on. u love it. And we need it.

Me: LOL. I do it too much.

Her: Maybe :)

Yup. confirmation. Im comfortable giving advice. It makes me feel good. But, I honestly give advice because on some level, I think it is also helpful, and being helpful is truly important to me, but as I think more and more about it, I give advice because I like to give advice.

Thinking about why I give advice, it has to because at some level, I want to feel like I am providing value to a relationship, and “being there” is so valuable. I end up being there by providing advice. That is my value, sharing the experiences and knowledge that I have gained over the course of my life doing bad and good things.

Am I alone? Do other people like to give advice? Given that more than $10 billion is spent on self-help stuff, I guess a lot of people like to hear advice. Is my desire to provide advice a little bit pompous? Probably. After all, I have to believe that the information I am providing is of value. That seems a bit pompous.

I like to give advice.

So Im done. I am no longer giving advice. Whether its in this blog or in person, I am not giving advice. Its not as helpful I think it might be. And, since its actually, at least in my case, somewhat selfish, I think I am going to stop giving advice.

I like giving advice.

It’s not going to be easy for me to stop. Its almost like breathing at this point. Person says “I am really tired.” I respond “You should sleep more.” Damn! Thats advice. Must stop doing that. Perhaps the better response is “Why are you so tired?” or “I see.” or “I understand, Im pretty tired too.”

Hurm. Its really not going to be easy. Plus, I just realized that I am probably giving myself advice. Its like an addiction! I just cant stop! Sheesh.

I like giving advice.

As I think about it more and more, I have begun to realize something. I dont like to receive advice. I dont like receiving advice unless I ask for it. How can the advice I give be so good, that I should be okay providing it unsolicited, and the other person so excited to receive it that they overlook that its unsolicited? I mean, after all, I probably have some good thoughts, but they cant all be good (no matter what I think).

I like giving advice, but I like being asked for it more.

And that the right answer. I am still going to give advice. But I am only going to do it if specifically asked for it. Asked for it directly and clearly. I wont even prompt for it with the simple question “Want to hear what I think?”. Im going cold turkey. No more advice.

I like giving advice, but I like my friends more.

word count: 769

Related articles by Zemanta

• The economics of advice (marginalrevolution.com)
• The Effects of Argument Explicitness on Responses to Advice in Supportive Interaction (tc.eserver.org)
• Does the Loudest Person You Hear Give the Best Advice? (2-speed.com)
• Why do entrepreneurs flock to loudmouths as mentors? (entrepreneur.venturebeat.com)
• Don’t be a snob about career advice (penelopetrunk.com)