750 Words on Caring

I hate the line “community is about caring.”

I mean, I love Gary who popularized the line. But, Jesus, community isnt about creating a lovefest of people that express their caring through the artificial means that internet tools like twitter (“Good morning, my tweeties”) or facebook (“Happy Birthday!” — even though we havent spoken in 15 years) or any other “social network.”

If you care about your community, participate in it. Its not about caring. Its about participating.

Last year, I learned that lesson first hand. For most of my life, I was content to have “friends” that I interacted with only via the internet. An email here, and IM there. I would actively avoid physical interaction, mostly because I (guess) Im uncomfortable around people. But, in this past year, I spent the year flying around meeting people. Speaking at conferences. Participating in the social media community. And, I loved it.

People are what make a community. Participation is what makes it grow.

I dont care about my community. I care about the people in the community.

When Gary was in Denver for a book signing, we were stuck in traffic and we talked about a million things. But after a moment of silence, he turned to me and said, “Micah, I love people. I really do.” to which I immediately replied, “I dont.”

Its not that I dont love people. I do. Some would say that I love too hard. I am, in many ways, the embodiment of passion. I trust. I love. I enjoy people. I just dont enjoy the “stuff” that seems to exist around most people, especially when people congregate into groups. Its why, Im focused on this year as the year of people. I am trying to expand beyond work and truly interact with folks.

The week prior I was in NYC. Two amazing things happened. First, at a party, I got to (finally) give Karen Hartline a hug. We have spoken via my blog and twitter in the past, even were in the same place at the same time, but just never really connected. It was great that for a minute, she and I could connect, and I know that the next time we are in the same city (which is hard given our travel schedules), we will get a real opportunity to connect, and our community, the one we both belong to, will be stronger because of it.

I also was at a party, where almost randomly, I met Amber Rae. We talked briefly, and then because of that connection we connected online. To be honest, I would have probably never connected to Amber Rae online if I hadnt met her in person. Now, I have a friend who’s philosophies and outlook on life are absolutely intriguing and interesting. Next week, when I am in SF, we are hoping to connect and extend the conversation we started in NYC.

Does participation have to be physical? Yes. Without a doubt there is a huge difference in physical participation than participating online. Looking at someone in the face. Hearing their words. Giving them a hug. Those things matter. Hugely. They matter more than how much you know about the person because of an IM conversation. Humans are physical beings, and being welcomed into someone else’s physical space is the greatest form of trust.

Are you in the business of building a community? Then find ways to have your community members physically connect. Find the time. Find the budget. Expend the effort.

As people the greatest gift we give each other is physical touch. In this world on the internet, I think many of us have forgotten that. Many of us replace a direct message, an instant message, a facebook message with a simple hug or phone call.

My growing issue with social media and our community is that so many people are not in the community for the community. They are networkers. They are looking for clients. They want to show that they are thought leaders. More and more people are participating in the community as a way to generate revenue for themselves or their company. There is a significant loss of genuine caring. People dont care about the people, they care about the outcome or transaction.

I am beginning to like people. I am beginning to like people because I am participating in a community with no ulterior motive other than to make friends. Real friends.

So if you see me, and I give you a hug, its because I honestly want to know you. I am actually excited to see YOU.

Stop worrying so much about caring, and start participating. You might be surprised at how awesome the people are.

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