Learn to Duck

Yesterday, I was on the phone with a really interesting cat. Young guy, he and some friends had built a really smart series of summits and conferences as a way to get young entrepreneurs together with people from all kinds of industries to create connection and opportunity.

“Its about dream fulfillment,” he said. “Its about connecting people with ideas. Its about creating opportunities where they didnt exist.”

Then he said, “its about connecting people that would be friends even if they had nothing to offer each other.”

And for some reason, that concept percolated in my brain for the past day.

When I go to a networking event, I look for people that I would love to spend time with regardless of what they could offer me professionally. Obviously, there is always a potential that my company will benefit from the relationship, but its not my primary goal.

My friend Brad Feld never takes a meeting over lunch or coffee. Want to meet with him? Get on his calendar and meet him at his office. His meetings usually last 30 minutes, and he can squeeze in tons of them over a week. The key to a meeting with Brad? Have a purpose. I imagine its the samewith any overly busy person, where they are primarily seen as someone who has something to give (venture funding).

I hate meeting Brad in his office. I hate meeting anyone in my office. But I understand the efficiency of the arrangement. I meet people for coffee, sometimes lunch, rarely dinner. I want to see how people are in an equal setting. One where we are mutually working towards a goal. They might be looking for advice, an introduction, the beginning of a strategic deal, whatever. Im usually looking to determine if an extended relationship makes sense. Are they someone I would do business with? Are they someone I would hang out with? Are they someone I would be willing to recommend to others?

At its basis, all business is relationships.

Does that mean I take less meetings because they tend not to be in my office? No. This week, I have 15 meeting requests that we are squeezing into my calendar. The ones I am most excited about are the ones with people that are both doing interesting things and two have a bit of knowledge about me (I drink tea, not coffee. I dont drink alcohol, so there are no meetings “over drinks”) or are interested in exploring interesting ideas. I think there are 4 this week.

I dont like people. We have established that, and I repeat that. I am trying to do a better job, by spending time with people as often as I can. But, I still cant get over the events where people look first at your name tag and then make a decision how much time they are probably going to spend with you. I cant deal with the events where your value is determined by whom you are talking to, hanging out with, etc. I refuse to wear name tags for that specific reason. Dont know me? Ask. Shake my hand. Ill take time with anyone who is willing to take some time with me.
I spend my life getting to know people. I love the connections I make, especially the ones that grow into real relationships. I can honestly say that I can go to almost any city in the US and spend quality time with someone. That, to me, is an accomplishment to be proud of.

At its basis, life is about relationships.

We cant live in a bubble away from other people. As much as we like to put on headphones and tune out the world. Or sit at home with our pets and watch random teen angst comedies like Bring It On (ok, maybe thats just me), the world is made up of people. We live more solid lives connected to others. We learn, love and grow because of the people that we allow ourselves to connect to.

Life is about connecting to people that would be friends, even if they had nothing to offer professionally. Life is about giving without expectation, qualification or condition. Life is about the other people that fill it.

I guess after that polly-anna statement, I need to adjust my “I hate people” stance. I hate people that care selfishly. I hate people that worry more about what they are getting than what they are providing. I hate people that dont accept that they are part of something larger and work towards making that something larger something greater.

At its basis, people are relationships.