For those that dont know, here is a very important fact about me.

For about 4 years, I was addicted to drugs. Mostly cocaine, but there wasnt anything I was unwilling to abuse. I did stay away from heroin and LSD, primarily because those two drugs scared me.

On April 1, 2006, I stopped being the fool. That was the day I stopped doing drugs. A few months later, I stopped drinking.

So, lets start with that.

Today, 905 days later, I am sitting in the MGM Signature hotel in Las Vegas. I have been here for about two days, and I have gone to a couple clubs; I have stayed out way too late; and I have hung out with my friends while they have gotten wasted.

And, its killing me.

All my memories (at least those I still have) of Las Vegas are fantastic. They are memories that build stories; memories that many people dont believe; and memories that are indicative of a life lead that was both amazing and self-destructive.

Whats is killing me, is how much I wish I could join in the partying. I wish I didnt have that gene or defect or whatever in my head that doesnt allow me to be moderate. That forces me to be That Guy.

Its 3am. I am back in my hotel early (by Vegas time), and I am writing this blog post. I know that the comments both personal and on this post (of course, when you talk about comments, they tend to never materialize) are going to be positive and congratulatory. Thats not my aim.

I simply want to let people know, that if I appear to be slightly uptight, I am. If I appear pining for something I used to have. I am.

Normalcy includes the ability to come to Las Vegas and act a bit the fool.

905 days ago, I realized that I am not normal.

And I would be a fool if I didnt say, that sometimes, that sucks.

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