Yesterday, I was on the phone with a really interesting cat. Young guy, he and some friends had built a really smart series of summits and conferences as a way to get young entrepreneurs together with people from all kinds of industries to create connection and opportunity.

“Its about dream fulfillment,” he said. “Its about connecting people with ideas. Its about creating opportunities where they didnt exist.”

Then he said, “its about connecting people that would be friends even if they had nothing to offer each other.”

And for some reason, that concept percolated in my brain for the past day.

When I go to a networking event, I look for people that I would love to spend time with regardless of what they could offer me professionally. Obviously, there is always a potential that my company will benefit from the relationship, but its not my primary goal.

My friend Brad Feld never takes a meeting over lunch or coffee. Want to meet with him? Get on his calendar and meet him at his office. His meetings usually last 30 minutes, and he can squeeze in tons of them over a week. The key to a meeting with Brad? Have a purpose. I imagine its the samewith any overly busy person, where they are primarily seen as someone who has something to give (venture funding).

I hate meeting Brad in his office. I hate meeting anyone in my office. But I understand the efficiency of the arrangement. I meet people for coffee, sometimes lunch, rarely dinner. I want to see how people are in an equal setting. One where we are mutually working towards a goal. They might be looking for advice, an introduction, the beginning of a strategic deal, whatever. Im usually looking to determine if an extended relationship makes sense. Are they someone I would do business with? Are they someone I would hang out with? Are they someone I would be willing to recommend to others?

At its basis, all business is relationships.

Does that mean I take less meetings because they tend not to be in my office? No. This week, I have 15 meeting requests that we are squeezing into my calendar. The ones I am most excited about are the ones with people that are both doing interesting things and two have a bit of knowledge about me (I drink tea, not coffee. I dont drink alcohol, so there are no meetings “over drinks”) or are interested in exploring interesting ideas. I think there are 4 this week.

I dont like people. We have established that, and I repeat that. I am trying to do a better job, by spending time with people as often as I can. But, I still cant get over the events where people look first at your name tag and then make a decision how much time they are probably going to spend with you. I cant deal with the events where your value is determined by whom you are talking to, hanging out with, etc. I refuse to wear name tags for that specific reason. Dont know me? Ask. Shake my hand. Ill take time with anyone who is willing to take some time with me.
I spend my life getting to know people. I love the connections I make, especially the ones that grow into real relationships. I can honestly say that I can go to almost any city in the US and spend quality time with someone. That, to me, is an accomplishment to be proud of.

At its basis, life is about relationships.

We cant live in a bubble away from other people. As much as we like to put on headphones and tune out the world. Or sit at home with our pets and watch random teen angst comedies like Bring It On (ok, maybe thats just me), the world is made up of people. We live more solid lives connected to others. We learn, love and grow because of the people that we allow ourselves to connect to.

Life is about connecting to people that would be friends, even if they had nothing to offer professionally. Life is about giving without expectation, qualification or condition. Life is about the other people that fill it.

I guess after that polly-anna statement, I need to adjust my “I hate people” stance. I hate people that care selfishly. I hate people that worry more about what they are getting than what they are providing. I hate people that dont accept that they are part of something larger and work towards making that something larger something greater.

At its basis, people are relationships.

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When I was a senior in college, I was looking for a job on campus. Looking through the want ads, I came across the highest paying job on campus: University Fundraiser. We were tasked with calling alumni and asking for contributions. I started slowly, but over a six month period, I had the biggest single month and raised more money than anyone had ever done in their entire careers. I was hooked.

I headed to Washington, DC after college with my long time friend, Larry “Bubba” Henderson, and after a few months of ramen, we both landed jobs. He worked for Georgetown University where he was pursuing a graduate degree, and I started at a nonprofit called CASE. While the true name of CASE was the Council for Advancement and Support of Education, the joke in the industry we served (college and university alumni, development and PR offices) was that it stood for Copy And Steal Everything.

Its not that we were thieves, but that given the finite amount of ways one can raise money or hold a homecoming, ownership over ideas became secondary to the sharing of ideas. Its an amazing thing to see it occur, where while there might be a sense of competition for resources and acclaim, seeing everyone succeed far outweighed the desire for individual success.

Does that work in the startup world? Can we share? I often talk that the main benefit of Boulder is not the small size, or the vibrant tech community, but that there lives a strong sense of “cooperative competition” in the community that drives collective success further than individual success.

This morning as I caught up with email and tweets, I saw a tweet from Ian Rodgers, CEO of TopSpin. I both admire Ian and Topspin, so, almost without thinking, I clicked through the link, which was a free download to a mixtape. As I entered my email address to get the mixtape, I started to think about how TopSpin connects artists with their fans directly, and if there was a place for that within Graphic.ly. Then I started to think about all the other companies that did stuff that I really enjoyed personally, and how (or if) any of it could be integrated in our product roadmap.

Jake Nickell, who is a friend and investor in Graphic.ly, founded Threadless. I am a huge fan of Threadless (those that know me, know that I wear nothing but Threadless tshirts, and have every day for the past two or three years (except for about 5 days). The Threadless community is amazing. Jeffrey Kalmikoff, Harper Reed, Jake and all the early folks at Threadless built a community that numbers more than 1,000,000, and spends its time talking about art, design, tshirts. Its a solid community, one that is open and friendly. When we were launching Graphic.ly, I spent time thinking about ways that we could build the foundation for just such a community.

There are other companies that do things that impress me. Twitter‘s simplicity is amazing. It takes less than 5 seconds to write 140 characters and send it out into the ether. Often, there is no response, but there is an emotional feeling that some number of people just read a wisp of a thought. The emotional attachment to something so simple is intriguing. How do we help our users feel good about doing little things?

Automattic (makers of WordPress) are another company that I like to pull inspiration from. Both in the distributed, everyone can contribute, way that the software is built, but also in Matt‘s undying desire to meet every wordpress user in the world, and personally thank them. I want, like Automattic, for our users to see their fingerprints in Graphic.ly. And, both Kevin and I want to shake the hand of every Graphic.ly user current and future, and tell them the importance of their participation in what we are collectively building.

Sharing is ok. Competing is ok. They are not mutually exclusive. I had lunch with Rantz, from Longbox Digital, a few weeks ago. Great guy. Great conversation. We talked about how our companies could help the comic industry and each other. Look for an interesting announcement in the near future.  The next time I am in NYC, I plan to reach out to David from Comixology (we have had several conversations in the past), and Wade from Panelfly (who I have never met). When I am down at SXSW, hopefully, I will be able to connect with Michael of iVerse (since I will be in his home state, and would love to meet him). I want to talk about ways that our companies can competitively cooperate. I want to find ways that our companies can collectively do things to help the comics industry.

As you set about to build your company, think about the pieces that you personally enjoy with other companies. Think about the things you dont enjoy. Dont just build something because your board, advisors or investors tell you to. Focus on the things that you love, that problems that you face, the things you can learn.

And then share those. Make the people and companies around you better. Even if they are your competition.

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I hate the line “community is about caring.”

I mean, I love Gary who popularized the line. But, Jesus, community isnt about creating a lovefest of people that express their caring through the artificial means that internet tools like twitter (“Good morning, my tweeties”) or facebook (“Happy Birthday!” — even though we havent spoken in 15 years) or any other “social network.”

If you care about your community, participate in it. Its not about caring. Its about participating.

Last year, I learned that lesson first hand. For most of my life, I was content to have “friends” that I interacted with only via the internet. An email here, and IM there. I would actively avoid physical interaction, mostly because I (guess) Im uncomfortable around people. But, in this past year, I spent the year flying around meeting people. Speaking at conferences. Participating in the social media community. And, I loved it.

People are what make a community. Participation is what makes it grow.

I dont care about my community. I care about the people in the community.

When Gary was in Denver for a book signing, we were stuck in traffic and we talked about a million things. But after a moment of silence, he turned to me and said, “Micah, I love people. I really do.” to which I immediately replied, “I dont.”

Its not that I dont love people. I do. Some would say that I love too hard. I am, in many ways, the embodiment of passion. I trust. I love. I enjoy people. I just dont enjoy the “stuff” that seems to exist around most people, especially when people congregate into groups. Its why, Im focused on this year as the year of people. I am trying to expand beyond work and truly interact with folks.

The week prior I was in NYC. Two amazing things happened. First, at a party, I got to (finally) give Karen Hartline a hug. We have spoken via my blog and twitter in the past, even were in the same place at the same time, but just never really connected. It was great that for a minute, she and I could connect, and I know that the next time we are in the same city (which is hard given our travel schedules), we will get a real opportunity to connect, and our community, the one we both belong to, will be stronger because of it.

I also was at a party, where almost randomly, I met Amber Rae. We talked briefly, and then because of that connection we connected online. To be honest, I would have probably never connected to Amber Rae online if I hadnt met her in person. Now, I have a friend who’s philosophies and outlook on life are absolutely intriguing and interesting. Next week, when I am in SF, we are hoping to connect and extend the conversation we started in NYC.

Does participation have to be physical? Yes. Without a doubt there is a huge difference in physical participation than participating online. Looking at someone in the face. Hearing their words. Giving them a hug. Those things matter. Hugely. They matter more than how much you know about the person because of an IM conversation. Humans are physical beings, and being welcomed into someone else’s physical space is the greatest form of trust.

Are you in the business of building a community? Then find ways to have your community members physically connect. Find the time. Find the budget. Expend the effort.

As people the greatest gift we give each other is physical touch. In this world on the internet, I think many of us have forgotten that. Many of us replace a direct message, an instant message, a facebook message with a simple hug or phone call.

My growing issue with social media and our community is that so many people are not in the community for the community. They are networkers. They are looking for clients. They want to show that they are thought leaders. More and more people are participating in the community as a way to generate revenue for themselves or their company. There is a significant loss of genuine caring. People dont care about the people, they care about the outcome or transaction.

I am beginning to like people. I am beginning to like people because I am participating in a community with no ulterior motive other than to make friends. Real friends.

So if you see me, and I give you a hug, its because I honestly want to know you. I am actually excited to see YOU.

Stop worrying so much about caring, and start participating. You might be surprised at how awesome the people are.

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