sometimes it takes getting punched in the face
If you have been following this blog for a bit, you will see that I have undertaken a project modeled after the 750 Words project. I was curious if it translates to video, so every once in awhile, I am going to do a 750 Words Spoken post. Here is my first:
Let me know what you think.
“Im faster than I look.”
I used to play lacrosse. I retired about 3 or so years ago. I suffered some paralysis in the my right leg which makes it difficult for my body to follow what my mind commands it to do. My quickness and speed have been reduced to the point where I just no longer enjoy playing. My speed is gone.
Yesterday, I was at the office until 8pm. In fact, most of my team was there (not to mention the folks in the UK, where it was 3am) as we go ready to release the next version of our Alpha Air App. (For those that dont know what I do, I run a company called Graphic.ly, which provides the ability for people to buy, read and discuss digital comics. Want to try it? I heard that there might be a download link somewhere around here.) I enjoy release day. Its the end of a solid week of work. The team has busted their asses to produce something new and interesting. Its fantastic.
This week, I launched our AIR app, and the first thought “Man, this is slow” was filled with disappointment. I asked if the office internet was running slow. Yes it was. Good times…
The night prior, I had dinner with a startup CEO from Israel, who is contemplating a move to Boulder. His startup is in the search space, and we got to talking about Lijit (where I spent two years helping grow the publisher and user base). He asked if I had any advice.
“Make it fast.” I replied.
I remember using my first computers when I was a kid (TRS-80, thank you very much!) where I could turn it on, have my mom take me to a movie and dinner, come home, take a nap, write the great American novel, and then wait for it to load.
Computers and speed were not synonymous. Then the 286 was followed by the 386, which was followed by the 486 processor. All of a sudden, computers became the hot rods of the 1990s. And, to stamp the arrival of the need for speed, in 1998, Google launched and in the upper right corner, they listed, full of hubris, the time it took to return a query. 0.08 sec for 2,000,000 results! Google would proudly proclaim.
And the need for speed exploded.
Usability experts started to explain that a website had 8 seconds to capture a user. Even worse, users began to demand speed. The choices were too many, there is no need for anyone to speed time on anything. And it wasnt just speed of the web applications. It became speed of information and communication. Email became too slow. IM became too slow. Twitter now is too slow.
Speed. Speed. Speed. Speed. Its all that matters.
Now, I look at the Graphic.ly app, which, at its core is a comic book reader, and I think, “the activity stream is loading slow.” Of course, by slow, I mean 1-2 seconds. By slow, I just mean that I notice it.
Paul Buchkeit in a post about the iPad wrote:
I’m not sure, but one thing I’ve noticed is that I spend more time browsing the web from my iPhone than from my laptop. I’m not entirely sure why, but part of it is the simplicity. My iPhone is ready to use in under 1/2 second, while my laptop always takes at least a few seconds to wake up, and then there’s a bunch of stuff going on that distracts me.
While Paul mentions that the difference between <.5 seconds and 1-2 seconds in load time was a major factor, he does mention the importance of simplicity. Given he worked at Google, its not a surprise that speed and simplicity are at the forefront of his mind (one can see it in the design and functionality of Friendfeed, founded by Paul), but what surprised me was that I wasnt surprised that speed was a factor in device choice.
As I sit here with Joe Stump, founder of SimpleGeo, and am watching his excitement at the speed his product can return information, its become extremely clear.
Speed is no longer just a function of good code, or slick design. Speed has become a feature, and a core feature at that.
We need to manage speed the same way we manage friend finding, replying, updating and any of the other 1,000s of other features that exist in the products we are building.
Speed no longer kills. Speed is now required for life.
word count: 741
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I know that the idea was 750 words per day, and this is the second 750word post today. The last one 750 Words on Writing was sitting in my draft folder for a few days, and I needed to finish it. So I did. And, since I make the rules, I can do whatever I want, dammit.
This post is going to be a bit bouncy. Not in a “happy, happy, bouncy, bouncy” way, but in a “it will move around a lot” way.
Lets start with yesterday.
I had lunch with my father. Not my adoptive father, but my biological father.
Now, lets go back three decades.
My mom and biological father got divorced when I was about a year and a half old. My mom and I moved to California (East Palo Alto, yo!) where after a couple of weeks, she met my adoptive (I dont like calling him my step) dad. They lived together for a couple of years, and when I was five got married.
Fast forward a couple of years.
When I was seven, my biological father came to visit, and I told him that I wanted my mom’s current husband to adopt me. He agreed, and gave up all legal rights.
Yup, with a simple conversation, my biological father broke all ties with me.
Fast forward another ten years.
Now I am a freshman at UC Davis, and its been about ten years since I have spoken to my biological father. I get a card from him on my birthday explaining how sorry he was, and I, being somewhat forgiving and curious, give him a call. A few months later he comes to visit.
I remember that for most of that visit, I was just angry and sad. Here was a guy that could have been part of my life for the last ten years, and chose not to. My biological father opted out.
Lets just blaze through the next 15 or so years…
My biological father and I have sporadic interactions, probably less than 10 times. I try to visit him in Colorado, and he comes to California. Each time, I get the same feeling of anger and sadness. Was it something I did? I know, intellectually, its not, but much like any relationship that doesnt work out, there is always the tickle at the back of my mind that I was the cause of the disintegration.
At the same time, my mom and dad have two daughters, who are awesome, and our family is rather solid. There is fighting of course, and I do a lot of really stupid things. (I am kinda the king of stupid things.) But its a family, a real family. We are all actually friends. To this day a week doesnt go by that I dont somehow talk to most of my family.
Now zoom in on 2001 or so.
My company fails. I decide to come to Colorado for a summer and get to know my biological father and his wife. I plan to spend the summer doing manual labor. My biological father assures me he has jobs lined up. I pack up everything and come out to Colorado. I live in his house. I cant get rid of the feelings of anger and sadness.
None of the jobs materialize. I burn through most of my cash by the end of the summer. I apply to business school, but given my history of being the kind of stupid things, I dont get in. I find a job in Denver, and my biological father asks me to move out of his house. I do.
A year or so later, I start a new company. It goes well. About every month or so, I get a call “Lets get together! I really want to build a relationship with you.” and every time, a date isnt set. Or its moved. Or whatever. The anger and sadness just sit in my stomach. They are almost welcome friends at this point.
How about a quick stop in 2005-ish?
I ask my biological father to meet me for coffee. He does. I explain the anger and sadness that I have carried for more than two decades. “You cant be my father.” I tell him. “You lost that opportunity when you left.”
He nods. His face gets droopy. I continue. “I only want things in my life that are positive. I cant have negativity. You want to be in my life, then focus on that.” He nods again. “You cant be my father, but you can be my friend.”
He agrees. I leave. I feel good for the first time in years.
A few days later, I get a call, “Lets get together. I want to do a better job of connecting.” Fine. That meeting never occurs. The sadness and anger return.
Lets settle on yesterday.
We have lunch. The anger and sadness are enveloping me. I listen to him talk about how he is focusing on his new adoptive daughter because he finally realizes how he missed out on my life, and just try to eat as fast as I can. Lunch ends. I leave. My head hurts, my stomach is upset. The sadness and anger are roaring in my ears.
And finally, I realize, Im done. I cant do it. I cant try to have a relationship with someone who fundamentally betrayed me. Who I cant trust. I finally realize that all of my relationships mirror the one I have with my father. At some point, they all get filled with sadness and anger. They all become horribly dysfunctional. They all end in disappointment.
Finally, I woke up today.
My head is not hurting for the first time in more than a week. My brain is clear. The feeling of sadness and anger that has been in my gut for what feels like forever is…well…smaller. I get it now. We may not get to select our family, but by God, we dont have to force it to work. We dont have to fix it, or fix the people around us. We are who we are, sometimes in spite of our biological roots.
My biological father fucked up. I know that now. And I realize how lucky I am to have my mom and dad and sisters.
word count: 1050
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