• I am not referring to freelancers or folks in the service business. Frankly, if you are not bootstrapping (at least in the beginning) you are a moron. Grade A Idiot, as my dad used to say. (Not really, I just wish my dad would use cool lines like that, so I could tweet them and get a god damn show. Seriously, what is this world coming to?)
• I am not being “shocking” or “Dave McClure-ian” by using words like: bullshit, fucking, moron or venture capital.
• I am also not speaking specifically about the choice of taking (or not taking) investment in building a business.

What I am talking about is the fucking bullshit beliefs that seem to permeate the Bootstrapping world.

There is no special badge on Foursquare if you have bootstrapped your startup to success. There is no slight you are afforded because you bootstrapped. Venture capital is not evil. You are not good. You havent “beaten the odds.” You arent better, or worse, than other entrepreneurs.

The concept of bootstrapping is solid. To be clear, a bootstrapped business is one that is completely self-funded either by its founders or by the revenue it generates (usually a mix of both) and the expectation is that the growth of the company is usually slower than if the same business had received investment.

Im assuming that because entrepreneurs that have bootstrapped their businesses believe that have undertaken a Herculean effort, their success is somehow more valuable than the entrepreneur that took investment.

“Its all about the exit.” bootstrappers say. ” I would rather than 100% of a small exit, than 10% of a large exit.”

To that, I say, “cool. But, please shut the fuck up about it.”

I know that bootstrapping is hard. I know that there is even an art to it. Ive bootstrapped a business. I built a company on credit cards and had a successful exit. I get the awesome-ness of bootstrapping.

What I dont get is the attitude that mooching is awesome (Im sorry, I mean “free-sourcing”). I dont understand why exploiting young talent (oops, I meant “outsourcing to less experienced freelancers”) rocks. I am mystified how the concept of micromanaged control (damn, I mean “freedom from a board”) somehow ensures success.

Go be that entrepreneur that finances their own success, drives towards profitability quickly, and focuses on lean startup principles to accelerate your business.

Be proud of your ability to build a business with no outside help. Just dont be That Guy. Because those guys are not bootstrappers, they are dicks.

Related articles

• Bootstrapped, profitable & proud (marsdd.com)
• The Art of Bootstrapping: Funding Startups the hard Way – Part 1 (wolpers.posterous.com)
• Here’s How I Bootstrapped My Company To 25 Employees In 3 Countries In 4 Years (businessinsider.com)
• Five reasons to consider venture capital (jondale.com)
• Optimize for Happiness (Followup to my Startup School talk) (tom.preston-werner.com)

Today an interesting conversation on twitter broke out among men and women about dating and relationships. Its an topic that has been bouncing around in my brain for some time recently.

Why?

Well, I am 36 years old and single. In Jew years, 36 is the point where I am either on my second marriage, or have kicked out 3 or so kids. Not single. In Jew years, I am the family member that people whisper “Yeah, Micah is not married yet. But look how successful he is! Whats that? No, we are pretty sure he is not gay.”

Some could argue that my pets are like my children. I do have 5 animals, two dogs and three cats.

But I will never beat up Billie‘s first boyfriend because he looked at her the wrong way.

I wont get a chance to remind Taylor that even though she is an athlete, boys will still like her.

I wont be able to bail Winston out of jail for joy riding with his friends.

I cant take Calin to get her first bra or buy birth control.

And, I will never be able to show how much I accept Max‘s life style or his new boyfriend (I am pretty sure my cat is gay) or see the shock in my grandmother’s face when they visit for the first time.

Most importantly, I continue to get the questions from my mom and grandmother. “Have you met any nice Jewish girls?”

“Yes, mom and grandmom,” I usually reply, “but they just havent met me yet. Right, its called the internet…”

The question that so many people have asked me, is, “why.”

“Why, Micah, I know plenty of women that are interested in you. I know plenty that have asked about you. Have you never had a serious girlfriend? Do you not date? Is there something wrong with you?”

Frankly, yes. Its called a brain defect.

You see, for most of my life, I have existed in one of two states. Manic or Depressed. When Manic, I loved it, but its a self-centered state of motion. You are constantly doing, talking, moving, creating, thinking….

Leaves little room for listening, accepting and all the other things that a relationship needs.

Or Depressed. For me, depression means: irritability, paranoia and lethargy.

Really great qualities for a relationship.

So early on, I gave up on the possibility of a relationship. Stopped trying, avoided situations and made myself completely unavailable.

That is until 6 months ago or so. Finally after years of self-medication, sobriety and therapy, I conceded to go to a shrink. I was finally ok with admitting that there was something physical wrong with me.

That I was not normal.

That I was broken.

That I was finally tired of trying on my own.

That if there was a pill or series of pills I could take to stop the mood cycles, I would do it.

So I went to a shrink. He spent an hour asking me questions, and at the end of the conversation. He said, “You have all the symptoms and signs of classic bi-polar II, or soft bi-polar.”

He spent another 30 minutes or so explaining what that meant. And he handing me a prescription.

I left his office and called my mom. I told her what the doctor said. And I cried.

The weight of 36 years of personal control of my feelings and moods slowly lifted, and it was like nothing I had ever experienced before. I knew, just knew, that the doctor was right, and there was a light at the end of my tunnel.

Over the next six months, I continued to visit the shrink every couple of weeks, and a therapist weekly. I learned more about my disease, read a book called Why Am I Still Depressed? By Jim Phelps, which was like watching a film of my life and behaviors.

Each time I learned something new, I felt the need to be in complete control lift just a bit.

Then in about April or so, I decided I was ready to be open to others.

And while I am not married, or even seriously dating anyone, I am learning a ton. My sister said to me the other day, “Micah, its like you are smashing 36 years of emotional growth into 6 months. You are learning quickly, but its still about experiences.”

I think thats right. Education is not just thinking and learning, but its experiencing. Im working on that part where I can (its not like I can grab women off the street, exclaim “date me! I need the experience!” Although, sometimes that would make it easier….)

Instead, I ask lots of questions. (It seems to be safer, and less likely to bring restraining orders and police.)

Instead, I put myself out there.

Instead, I am allowing myself to be open to the possibilities, to accept hope and be vulnerable to the pain.

Instead, I refuse to go back to the comfortable life of throwing myself into my work, and allowing people to be superficially friends with me.

Instead, I write this blog, and tell the world, “this is me.”

And, I kinda like me.

Now I am accepting hope. The hope that one day, my mom will no longer be asking me if I have met any nice women, but rather will just telling me about how worried she is about my weight.

Oh, that will be a nice day.

I will remember the struggle fondly. It was long and hard, and full of obstacles. There was the women in the wheelchair that I didnt help across the street for fear of scuffing my shoes. There was the nice young lady I took out to dinner, only to ask her to pay for the exact amount of her food (which I deftly calculated on my brand new iPhone).

Man, it was hard.

And its so difficult to put into words my feelings right now, so instead, I took a picture:

I think it says it all. And now that I have achieved my lofty goal, I have realized a vital reality that could only be discovered once the douchebag mountain was claimed.

The douchebag has jumped the shark.

That right. Its done, its over. The fat lady has sung. I am over it.

But, is it the end? I dunno. I think that I could take another mountain. I think that I could pass the douchebag crown to someone else, (perhaps Grant Robertson?) and move on to something new.

I dont know what path I should follow. So I ask you, my Douchebag-anics, whats the next next? Whats Douchebag 2.0?

Leave your thoughts in the comments.

(Personally, I am hoping for numbnuts.)

I decided to pick the one that got the most votes.

In writing this post, I have two versions. The short one and the long one. You are welcome to read both or either.

SHORT VERSION:

Q: Why are you a douchebag?

A: Why the fuck do you care?

LONG VERSION:

In February, I wanted to see the power of social media, and “personal branding.” Its something that so many people talk about, and so many people flub.

I was hearing friends say “I wish I could say X, but its not my brand.”

So confusing. Listen people, you are not Coca Cola. You are not The Gap. You have no brand.

You just have you.

As a bit of tongue in cheek SEO action, I decided to build my “personal brand” around being a douchebag.

Why a douchebag, when I could have chosen much more positive terms?

Simple. If social media was what people said it was (a way for people to connect and interact), and if it created an environment where it was difficult to “fake the funk,” then it would be quickly evident that I wasnt a “traditional” douchebag, but rather just Micah making a social statement about “personal branding” and social media.

First thing I did, was write a blog post. Not a long post, but a post that stated my desire to be the #1 douchebag on Google. After all, Google is the definative source for all knowledge (at least to answer most questions). I mean, if Google thought I was a douchebag, then it had to be true!

Then, I started calling myself a douchebag, and more importantly, allowing others to call me a douchebag. I also took umbrage every time someone else referred to themselves or others (not me) as a douchebag.

I (very tongue in cheek) acted like a douchebag on places like Twitter.

And, over the months, I got links back to my post. Finally, I reached the pinnacle of #3 on Google for the term “douchebag” and #1 for the term “#1 Douchebag.” But, more importantly, my “personal brand,” was not harmed in any way by the experiment. Why?

Because, I am me. Always.

To answer the question directly, “why are you a douchebag?” The answer is simple. To show that the concept of “personal brand” is not something one can “build, grow or develop.” To show that personal branding isnt a thing you work on. That the reality of personal branding isnt a big secret.

The reality of it, the real truth of it, is simple.

#1: You are You. Learn it. Love it. Live it.

I am a proud douchebag.

#2: Leave the branding to GE.

Who is GE again? God, I’m such a douchebag.

So, probably because I am the coolest person in the world (in addition to my status as the #1 douchebag in the world), I asked Aaron to try his hand at Business Development at Lijit Networks.

Its been fun over the past week or so talking to Aaron about publishers and Lijit, but more interestingly is the discussions we have had about business development.

So, back to the Skype conversation.

Aaron and I were discussing a plan of attack for a large publisher. One that neither of us had a warm introduction into. As the conversation continued, I began to explain to Aaron the difference between business development now and during the Great Dot Com Bubble of 2000.

In the “old days,” business development was more about strategic alliances, which was a silly way to say, “lets find a way to drive traffic to each other.” (Notice the word traffic. I didnt accidentally substitute that for the word revenue.)

Many companies owned a certain space and could demand many things for the access to their traffic or data. Business Development was really just sales with out the quota. It was all about traffic and eyeballs, and there was little to no focus on creating bi-directional relationships. As I just explained to another friend:

Business Development is about working with people who want to make your company better while you work to make their company better.

And that, in a nutshell, is the difference in todays world.

The world is smaller. Blogs, Twitter, Facebook, Flickr and the like make it easy to interact with people all times of day and builds a level of understanding and connection that is unprecedented.

So, what advice would I give a new business development guy? What advice did I give Aaron? Here are my three rules to being a fantastic Business Development guy:

1. Be yourself. You are now intertwined with the brand of the company you are pitching. If you are fake, then the company will be seen as fake. Just be yourself.
2. Do what you would do normally. If you are not a blogger. Dont blog. If you dont like twitter, dont tweet. Basically, chose the communication medium that best suits you.
3. Look for connections. Not just between people, but between companies. Does it make sense for Lijit to work with hardware manufacturers? Probably not. So think of connections in three ways:
   1. Direct: These are people that you know directly or can be introduced directly. In this case, you are looking to directly pitch the person on your product or service.
   2. Indirect: These are tangential connections, where you want to pitch your product or service to someone because of the people that like, follow, respect the direct connection.
   3. Enhanced:  Dont really have a better word for this, but its basically a connection where there may be no immediate business to pitch, but since the two companies are like minded and the product or service is complimentary, that a connection will enhance both companies.

The first type, Direct, is the most like sales. You have something you want someone else to use or pay for, so you explain the features and benefits, and you are off to the races. The second, Indirect, is very much like a Direct connection, but your target isnt the initial person, its the intial person’s fans and friends.

Both of those are necessary for the growth of a company. As long as one is open and honest about it and straight forward, there is nothing shady about the practice.

The third type, enhance, is the most difficult and esoteric for most people. People that are successful at Enhanced Connections usually dont work for commission. They usually arent great sales people. But, they see the potential in both their company, and the target company, and understand that together they are stronger than individually. And most importantly, they understand its about sharing and giving, not just taking.

I also often joke that my title is VP, Favors and Introductions. 99% of my job doing favors, giving introductions or asking for favors or introductions. To me, the only capital I possess is my reputation and the trust my friends have that I will introduce someone that is worthy and wont waste their time.

The key to being successful at this is understanding one simple thing:

To get, one must give, and trust that the gift is compelling enough to have the other give in return.

And that one sentence, is what Business Development in a Web 2.0 World is. Its not wineing and dining, or business trips, or even expense accounts. Its being in a state of constantly giving, making sure that you have given more daily than received. And, most importantly, if, at the end of the day, what you are giving away (whether it is time, connections, a product or service, or even just an ear to listen) is not worthy of the people you are giving it to, and not given freely, you will lose. Every time.

And, on Mother’s Day. I like to read all the posts about how wonderful people’s moms are. The quality of the posts never cease to amaze me, but the tone is often the same.

Everyone likes to write about how wonderful their mothers have been, but I havent seen anyone write about how wonderful they have been to they have been to their mothers.

Until now.

I, Micah Gabriel Baldwin, have been extraordinarily wonderful to my mother. How, you might ask, have I been able to do this? Well, lets start at the beginning.

I was born.

My birth was relatively easy, 8 hours in total (not quite as easy Marissa, my sister’s birth, which clocked in at 2 hours, or Natalia, my youngest sisters birth which clocked in at 18 minutes). Most importantly, I was born at 10:08 in the am, which enabled my mother to not miss an episode of her favorite soap opera, All My Children.

I was the man of the house.

From the age of 1.5, when my parents got divorced, until 2 years old, when my mom started dating Rich, my step-father (now adoptive father), I was the man of the house. I supported my mother as she moved from Colorado to California, and made every attempt to help out. I shit less, cried less and ate less. I was quite the man of the house.

I approved her marriage.

At the age of 5, Rich and my mother sat me down at our little wooden dining room table. “Micah,” Rich started, “I would like to marry your mother, and be your father. Are you okay with that?” With a simple wave of my hand, and a slight nod, I said, “Yes.” They have been married for 31 years now.

I stopped asking for money.

After college, I moved to Washington, DC, and soon got a job. The job didnt pay well, but it pretty much began the moment I no longer needed to ask for money. It was a good thing too, because my younger sisters were becoming quite the drain on the wallet, and it was important for me to help out my mom by being less of a deadbeat.

I moved back home.

At the age of 28 or so, after spending some time in Washington, DC and Southern California, I knew my mom was missing me staying at home for long periods of time. I could tell, because two weeks after I left for college, my room was turned into a study, whereas my sisters rooms were left as shrines to them. So, I moved back in while I was starting a new job and new company.

I moved out.

After about eight months, I moved up to Oakland, and realizing that the strain of me being so close, yet so far, was too much for my mom. So, I packed my things and moved to Colorado. Where I live to this day.

I sold my company and got a real job.

Making the ultimate sacrifice for my mother, I sold my company last year and got a real job with benefits. You see, for my mom, benefits are the most important thing, after all one doesnt know when a truck might hit one.

And, most importantly, I call her periodically.

It seems, that my mom loves to hear the sound of my voice. Take today for example. I have called her three times to wish her a Happy Mothers Day, and each time the answering machine comes on. She wants to record my voice! How sweet. So, I left heart warming messages such as:

“Mom, I know you are there, and just not picking up the phone. Why you have to be so mean?”

“Look woman, its Micah! Pick up the damn phone!”

and my favorite (its kinda an inside joke)

“I hope you have a long and painful death. Love, Micah”

You see, today is not just about honoring our mothers and all the wonderful things they’ve done and will do for us, but its about what we have done to help them out.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. I know you know I rock.

Well, I am #1 for Micah Baldwin, so its time to turn my focus on a much more important honor.

I want to be the #1 douchebag in the world.

I want to be the first result in Google when someone types in “douche bag.” When that happens, I will make tshirts and business cards that say “#1 Douchebag. Just Ask Google.”

Being the #1 Douchebag will be hard. It will be tough. I will not be able to do it alone. So, I am asking for your help. If you want to help me achieve my goal of being the #1 douche bag on Google, please link to this post or blog with the words “douche bag” or “micah baldwin is a douchebag” or “micah is a douche bag” or the more common, but incorrect spelled douchbag.

Help a young man achieve his dream of being the #1 douche bag in the world, according to Google. Its free and it will make you feel good.

It easy to help a douchebag out! Do it today!

You can also send me info [to micah at currentwisdom dot com] about douche bag companies or people, and I will try and write something nice. Like I did for that douche bag Andrew Hyde.