Over the past week or so, I have had two friends burn out.

Like most professions people choose, entrepreneurship isnt all play time and money. Startups arent filled with foosball and Mac Pros.

We read about layoffs and think to ourselves “Well, its a startup. They arent making any money. I have no idea why they employed so many people. Whiles its horrible, its probably for the best.”

Or we read about the latest funding and think to ourselves “What? They got $5million dollars? Its just a <insert something here>. They will never make any money.”

What most people dont understand if they havent been in a startup (even those that cover startups really dont get it), is that a startup’s culture always has a few key components (not success components necessarily, just that they exist).

1. A general belief that what the startup is focused on is unique, interesting or better than current offerings in the market place (the old better, faster, cheaper argument).
2. That startups have an end.
3. And at that end, there will be some sort of reward.
4. That working at a startup gives you a greater ability to have a bigger influence on the product, brand, business direction, whatever.
5. That you, the employee, can do whatever is placed in front of you, better than anyone else.

And while its easy to intellectualize the long hours and hard work to get to the end of the rainbow, most people dont understand how the startup lifestyle truly effects them emotionally and mentally.

You can get fired/laid off at any time.

Often decisions are made based on the money in the bank, or the expected out of case position, rather than on the true needs of the organization. Often, there is little determination of the effect less people have on overall workload.

A mistake can be magnified.

Because each person has a large affect on the outcome of the business, mistakes are magnified. Code something wrong? It could push back the next release. Push back the next release, and lose a big deal. Lose a big deal, and miss the numbers you expected. Miss the numbers and the world turns on you. Because most startups run extremely lean, it is imperative that each person is competent. Extremely competent.

All the best work can be for naught.

Do everything right, get the product out the door on time and under budget, make the greatest thing since sliced bread, and watch it wither on the vine. Sometimes, for no reason, a great idea/product just dies. Its a sad reality of the risk/reward game of startups.

All of this leads to high level of expectation and stress.

Which leads to burnout.

Successful entrepreneurs and long-time startup employees understand that burnout is part of the lifestyle they have chosen. Everyone burns out at some point.

So what do you do when you feel a burnout coming?

Most people dont. They work and work and work until they fizzle. Their production decreases and mistakes increase. Soon, they have been let go, and dont understand why.

Here are some early warning signs of burnout:

• You are tired all the time. No matter how much you sleep, you cant seem to “catch up.”
• You complain more than usual. Everyone is a moron. You are the only person that can get the job done.
• You snap at friends and colleagues. Since they cant understand the workload you are under, or how unfair that workload is, you snap. You withdraw.
• You start thinking about quitting. It has to be the company. There is a better job with less stress out there. I just made a bad choice of jobs.
• You take little “breaks.” Today, I am going to nothing that pertains to my job. I know its Tuesday, and we have a release coming up, but I can catch up tomorrow.
• When do you get home, you dont take care of personal business. Dude, I just worked for 12 hours straight. Why should I pay bills?
• You wish you can, or you start, working from home more. There are less distractions (and people). I can work at my pace and I do a better job!

Often the signs of burnout are subtle, and the important thing to realize is that working at a startup is a continual ebb and flow of “completely burned out,” to “almost burned out” and back.

What do you do to make sure you dont completely burn out?

• Pick a project that is just for you. Work it at your pace. Work it in your space. Dont “re-grout the tile” or “pull the storm windows.” Remember your passion. What got you going in the first place. Do that, but do it for you.
• Take some time every day away from the office. I make sure it always take a lunch. 30-60min where the focus is on anything except work. My first boss told me, “The concept of a job is that there is work. When there is no work, there is no job.” 30-60min a day will not put you so far behind that it causes issue.
• Laugh. A lot. There is nothing wrong about finding humor in your day. If its a quick trip to ICanHasCheezburger or a joke with a co-worker, make sure to laugh everyday.
• Learn. A lot. Often, we get so caught up in our jobs, we forget that there is always a lot to learn. It doesnt have to be big. It just has to be something. Ask a co-worker a question. Look something up on Wikipedia. Try some different code.
• Engage. The great thing about startups, is that the team is small enough that you can engage with most anyone. There is no reason to go at it alone. Ask a co-worker to review your work. Get involved in something outside your job. Find a team that you can add value to, and get on it. You can also engage outside the company via a blog, Twitter or some other social media outlet.

How do you deal with burnout?

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I live a lot of my life online. Well, thats not true. I put a lot of what I am thinking online. My thoughts are shaped by three things: My life, my mood and my faith.

Lets take these out of order.

First my mood.

I am living with bipolar disorder II. I am taking two drugs, Seroquel and Trileptal that seem to be really making it easier to have stable moods. Pretty rad.

Second my life.

I do business development for a company called Lijit. I date (lately more frequently, but its something I certainly dont write specifics about. There is another person involved more often than not, so it just doesnt seem right.) I do the proverbial “hang out with friends” and spend a significant time with my two dogs, Billie and Taylor. (I do spend time with my three cats, Calin, Winston and Max, but they are cats. They are less needy.)

Third is my faith.

Its easy to say that being Jewish shapes a lot of what I do, but thats not the faith I am speaking about. That faith is the simple faith in me.

A recent fortune cookie read:

Deep Faith Eliminates Fear.

For the first time in awhile, a fortune cookie made me think.

(The other fortune was pretty good too: Dont be discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward. That one relates to my dating life and my business philosophy. Perhaps I will write about that another day…)

One characteristic that is often associated with me, and many entrepreneurs, is risk taking. Its one of the characteristics that I have a hard time understanding.

Here are some of my responses to “risks” I have taken:

“So, I quit my job to start a company. It wasnt like the company was going to fail.”

“So, we were competing against several huge agencies for the deal. Is wasnt like we werent going to get it.”

“So, you walked away from a high paying job to work at a startup. It not like that startup wont be an amazing success.”

“So, you moved to DC after college with $300 and a place to stay for two months. Its not like I wasnt going to find a job and be successful.”

The list goes on.

I never see anything that I do that can be considered “risky,” because the deep faith I have in myself eliminates the fear of failure.

Read that again.

Apply it to other entrepreneurs you know.

The truth is that successful entreprenuers have a deep (not blind) faith in their own abilities to succeed. They understand their shortcomings. They know what holes they need to fill, and the types of people they need around them to be successful.

They dont take risks, becuase the outcomes are measured against the faith they have in themselves.

True entrepreneurs eliminate the reason for failure on external sources (the market, the community, the economy, whatever) and own their own failures as much as they own their own successes, because they know, their actions (or lack thereof) are solely responsible for the outcome.

Thats why there are so few real entreprenuers.

Most people are willing to take a contained risk by put up a site, write a business plan, even raise money.

But most are unwilling to jump off the cliff with only deep faith in themselves to eliminate the fear of the outcome.

If you consider yourself an entrepreneur, ask yourself this one question:

“Above all else, who do I have ultimate faith to get the job done, to make the right decision, to do the difficult things?”

What did you answer? I know mine.

My dad used to yell at me for what felt like hours. I was always pretty sure that he liked to hear himself yell, and impressed himself with his arguments.

At least once, if not twice, during his yelling at me (I think it was often after my seventeenth mumbled “yes”) he would say:

“Micah, are you listening to me or just hearing me?”

“Shit dad,” I used to think to myself, “everyone in the neighborhood can hear you!”

“I am listening,” I would say, shuffling my feet, hoping his tirade would be over soon.

Now I find myself thinking the exact same thing when I see companies attempt to reach out to their communities. Are you listening? Or are you just hearing your community?

Today, Intense Debate, a company that I have been both publicly and privately critical, showed me that they hadnt just heard what I had to say, hoping that my tirade would soon be over and I would move on to other targets, but listened. Really listened.

Even though I know the team and investors well, and have watched them grow (and go through growing pains) ever since their time in TechStars, I chose to go with their competitor, Disqus. My decision was not based on features, it was based solely on one fact: Daniel Ha, CEO of Disqus listens and responds to his community. Intense Debate did not.

I wrote a blog post about my decision.

Offline, given the proximity of Intense Debate to me, there was much discussion. I havent changed my mind, Disqus is still on my blog. From a feature perspective, the two products are basically the same, it really comes down to preference (whether its look and feel, or a specific feature, etc.), and my preference is for a company that listens to my needs, evaluates them and innovates or iterates around them.

It seems that Intense Debate heard me. Recently, they release a feature where a tweet was sent every time a person left a comment. I wrote that I felt it was a good step, but way too noisy. Intense Debate heard and iterated. Now the commenter can decide at the point of commenting to send it out as a tweet, or not.

Great move guys. Hope to see more of it. I hope you will see the benefit of listening to your community rather than just listening.

Later in the day, I got an email from my friend Ari Newman, CEO of Filtrbox, showing me a prototype of a new feature they are looking to launch. (I so wish I could talk about it, but Ari promised to kill my dogs if I leaked it).

What was gratifying for me, was that two days ago, I IM’d Ari that I had a great idea for his product, and wanted to show him what I had come up with. Two day later, the feature was implemented. Two days.

In a very private way, Ari did what all great leaders do: listened to my suggestion, evaluated its value to the product and its users, and made a decision. He had listened me. And even more so, took the extra step Intense Debate did, and did something about it.

I am very impressed with both companies and their leadership. In the span of twelve hours, two companies, two friends, took steps to make me feel both welcome and valued, which is how all community members should feel. I hope they both continue down this path.

If you are a startup, and dont think you have the time or resources to listen to your community, you will not survive. Even Twitter finally realized the error of their ways. And, companies like Get Satisfaction make listening so simple.  There is really no excuse to do it right.

So remember, any company that hopes I become part of their community and use their product:

Are you listening or just hearing me?

—–

If you are interested in either Intense Debate or Disqus‘ comment system, they are in an open beta, head over and install. They are both great, and its even better than they can be searched from the Lijit search bar in my side bar.

If you are interested in Filtrbox, which is in a closed beta, Ari has given me a special code: douchebag. Funny Ari, very funny.