Thats right, I have two fathers. Well, a father and a dad.

My biological father, Robbie, and my mother, Dafna, were divorced when I was about a year and a half old. My mother soon left Colorado, intent on moving to Oregon. She stopped in California to visit some friends, and never left.

My adoptive father, Rich, moved across the street from my mother and I after moving out to California from Albion, Michigan, and the story I was always told was that after a couple of weeks, Rich and my mother started dating, moved in together soon there after, and when I was 5 (3 years after they first met), they married.

At least that was the story I was told. It turns out it was a bit more juicy than that.

My mom was dating my dad’s roommate, who apparently was still married (but separated), when she met Rich and they started dating. I told you it was juicy…

So, there it is. Two dads, two very different people.

My biological father battled drug addiction for a long time which really shaped his interaction (or lack thereof) with me. When I was eight years old, Robbie decided that it was time to stop taking to me, and that lasted until I was 18 years old. in the 18 years since then, we have connected (really connected) maybe a dozen times or so.

Rich, on the other hand, was someone I saw daily. We battled as fathers and sons do, and there were many things he did (he was a yeller), that I refuse to do. There are also many things he does, that I tried to emulate. He is one of the most responsible, trustworthy, dependable people I know.

So the question becomes: nature or nurture?

Last night, my friend Pete over at Mashable, put up a post asking people to link to tweets or posts they had written about Fathers Day. So, last night, right before bed, I tweeted:

I have 2 fathers. One who reminds me of how good I can be; and one that reminds of what I could have been. To both Happy Fathers Day.

I thought a lot about that as I went to sleep. I have tried to have a relationship with my biological father, but every time we interact (he is my vet for example), I am disappointed and scared that the man I see before me is what I could become if I dont watch out. Dont get me wrong, he is not a bad guy, but he is many things I wish never to be. He is selfish, he is self-centered, he is unreliable, he is pig headed and he has difficulty connecting with people.

At the same time, he is many things I hope to be: brilliant, caring, an expert at what he does, and respected.

When I think of Rich, he has so many characteristics I wish I could emulate. He is dependable, intelligent, selfless, unassuming, practical and pragmatic.

So, whats the answer? Nature or Nurture?

For me, I have decided that my nature is something I am inherently. I have all the bad habits and some of the positive characteristics of Robbie. Thats who I am, but its not who I am required to become. With Rich, I see what he has taught me, both directly and indirectly, and realize those things I could become.

At the end of the day the truth lies somewhere in between.

I have 2 fathers. One who reminds me of how good I can be; and one that reminds of what I could have been.

And thats what makes me uniquely me.

Happy Fathers Day.

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