Why Hot Yoga Made Me Laugh As Much As Farting Does

Last night, I went to my second session ever of Hot Yoga or Bikram Yoga. The last time I went it was many years ago, and I remember struggling through it and thinking how silly it was.

I have wanted to try it again, but I was 1) worried about being able to complete the class without looking like a complete idiot; and 2) counseled against Yoga by my physical therapist who was afraid I would overextend myself and hurt myself worse in the process.

But, given that I just cant run on the treadmill five times a week. I really needed to find another athletic outlet. I want to get back in the pool and swim (I was a competitive swimmer about 100 pounds ago), but thats a lot of effort that I am not ready to put in. So, I decided it was Yoga time.

I also decided on Hot Yoga because I wanted to sweat. I felt like a good sweat would help with weight loss, and just clear me out. I never knew how much I would sweat…

The first thing I noticed in the class was me. There were mirrors everywhere. I couldnt escape my body. No matter where I looked, I was staring back at myself. So, I started really looking at myself. My internal image of myself is soooo much better than the reality. Now, I dont think the real me is awful, just needs more work than I picture in my mind. Perhaps thats why I am not succeeding as quickly as I like, reviewing my physical appearance is a wonderful way to force success and/or failure.

The next thing I noticed is how quite it was. Except when people were breathing. I want to record that sound and use it in a horror movie. I have been accused of cynicism and curmudgeon-ry, but I dont think I am the only person that is shaken to his core by the breathing exercises of a room full of Hot Yogans. At least one person got up and ran screaming from the room. (Ok, “run” is overstated. “Screaming” is a bit of an exaggeration.)

Then we proceeded to go through all the movements. Some people take it so seriously. I couldnt help but chuckle at the guys with their shirts off and head scarves. Clearly they were the Hot Yoga experts. I set up my mat far from them. Then there was the girl in front of me, who did all the movements to the extreme. I didnt realize people could bend in that fashion. It was impressive.

But, in truth, most of the people were like me. Not great, and really just there for the exercise. I didnt feel stupid for not knowing the movements; I didnt feel like an idiot for being a beginner. I found myself actually enjoying it. I found the names of the movements to be funny; the seriousness of some of the participants made me laugh; but, mostly, I just laughed at how silly I looked trying to stretch a body that is a bit broken and certainly not flexible.

There were two women in front of me who near the end of class ripped the loudest farts I have heard in awhile. I had to double check my brain to make sure I heard them, and then giggled like a 12 year old boy. What is it with Hot Yoga and farting? The last time I went there were chicks in Hot Yoga farting up a storm. I guess Hot Yoga and farting go hand in hand…

Will I do it again? Yes. I plan to start going twice a week. So its 3x at the gym and 2x at Yoga. Giving me my weekend to either do nothing, or to go on a hike. The mountain hiking is coming quickly, and I have to be ready…