Learn to Duck

Dear Larry (Thats what I decided to name my blog…LearntoDuck Larry):

About a month ago, I wrote a post listing the top 10 reasons I would not buy an iPhone. In fact, I wrote that post the day the iPhone came out. I was so proud, so happy that I was going to finally withstand the pull of the newest, coolest gadget. I spent the day doing other things, laughing at all the people who waiting in line for the shiny new status symbol.

Then my friends began to fall. First one got sucked into the iPhone Mafia, then another. Then people who I thought were above the iPhone frenzy were made by the Godfather, Steve Jobs. But, I was strong. I was resisting. I was reading my post to remind myself why I wasnt going to buy an iPhone. Why the iPhone mafia would just have to operate without me.

And Friday turned into Saturday. And I was still no iPhone hypocrite. I still had my dignity. I could still giggle at the lines and the shortcomings of the iPhone. But, peer pressure was whispering in my ear. “What will everyone think?” It slyly, seductively seduced me. “You ALWAYS have the latest gadget before everyone else.” Still, I resisted. “I dont need an iPhone. I cant be a hypocrite.” I swore. And Saturday passed with no iPhone.

I began to break down Saturday evening. I started reading reviews. Always a bad sign. I starting looking for hacks. REALLY bad sign. I started looking for accessories. I knew I was doomed. The iPhone Mafia was winning.

I woke up Sunday morning, and almost without thought, I clicked on my MacPro. As my screen came to life, I opened FireFox. “Stop,” I thought to myself. “Read your email first.” As Entourage took its sweet time loading, I switched back to FireFox and started reading more about the iPhone. It was really cool. As I continued to battle the iPhone Mafia, my resolve continued to weaken. “Its only $600,” I reasoned. “It’ll get your exchange email, no problem,” I justified.

“Fine! I will be a damn iPhone hypocrite! I will join the iPhone Mafia. After all, I need to be one of the cool guys at StartupWeekend. I will go at like 2pm. They will be all sold out in Cherry Creek.”

And so, my destiny as a member of the iPhone Mafia and as a certified iPhone hypocrite began. I went to Cherry Creek. “We have dozens in stock!” The ‘geniuses’ exclaimed. “4GB or 8GB?”

“8GB,” I muttered, hoping no one would see my strange mix of shame and excitement. With a swipe of my credit card, the deed was done.

“Hey, Coach! Buy that for me?” Floated up from the crowd behind me. One of the kids I coach in lacrosse was standing behind me with his parents. Clearly, the iPhone Mafia was laughing at me. “Bastards,” I grumbled. Feeling a little like Darth Vader, I said “Hi Luke [his real name], what are you doing here?” The rest of the conversation was a bit of blur. I just wanted to go home and play with my new iPrecious…I mean…iPhone.

It is now over a month since I have owned the iPhone. People have stopped coming up to me in coffee shops and stores to ask to touch and play with it. I have never got it to work with my corporate email, and will be getting a blackberry to handle that. But, I do really enjoy the phone. It does enough of what I need it to, and strangely enough, my inability to send corporate email (I can receive it), has actually made me less of an email junkie. Now I have to decide how important returning the email is because of the effort (phone call or finding a laptop) it takes.

So, I have completely joined the dark side, and now proudly proclaim my membership in the iPhone Mafia (La Costra iPhone Nostra) as the head iPhone hypocrite, and as Michael Corleone so eloquently said in Godfather Part III, “Every Time I Try to Get Out; Shiny Objects Suck Me Back In!” (maybe I’m paraphrasing.)