When I wrote recently about what blogging has brought me, I spoke of respect:

Respect is Truth. The Absence of Truth always accompanies the Lack of Respect. After a couple of years of losing the respect of anyone and everyone that mattered, I have slowly been working to regain that respect.

It’s important that you believe in the above. If you dont, then the rest of this post will not be worth your time.

Since April 1, 2006, when I decided to take my life in a different direction, I have held two fundemental absolutes:

1. One always knows what the right thing to do is, but doesnt always choose to do it; and
2. One always knows the truth, but doesnt always choose to share it (with others or themselves).

Given this belief, I decided that the I would always be the person that CHOSE to do the right thing and CHOSE to share the truth.

As, I developed a style, it became apparent that I was being brutally honest while trying to blunt it a bit with humor. And brutally honest I have been–sometimes going a bit far–always holding an absolute belief in the truth of my words. Brutually honest with most everyone, but one person. Myself.

So, today, I am going to publically call myself out, and I will probably do it with a lack of humor. And, it will be brutually honest. I hope you can respect that.

I have always been an overachiever, not because I am a hard worker, but because things just came easier to me. I never had to study in school, I could talk my way out of any bad grade, and I was able to make enough of the right friends to never suffer socially.

When I was a senior in high school, one of my teachers pulled me aside as we readied for graduation, and said “Micah, you are a B Minus Kinda Guy. You will always get by. Just enough to be better than average, but never truly acheive.”

Like most seventeen year olds, I brushed it off and continued thinking about graduation and summer.

So, was I a B Minus Kinda Guy?

1) I graduated college with a B minus average;

2) I have been successful at every job I have had, but never stayed long enough to go from a low level position to the top (like my friend Craig at ServiceMagic);

3) I never completed graduate school, even though I finished just over 1/2 of three different programs;

4) I did start Current Wisdom while I was at ServiceMagic, but I never really wanted to run a company full time. I was having too much fun working at ServiceMagic, and making money on the side;

5) And until April 1, 2006, I always chose the fun decision over the right decision. Which lead to a serious addiction, a loss of a ton of money (probably seven figures), and the destruction of many positive relationships, both personal and professional;

6) I’ve never been that brilliant guy that comes up with the perfect idea (music sharing, social networking, etc.) although I have come up with a million ways to make them better (and have wherever I have been);

7) I’ve never spent much time on implementation or completion;

8) I certainly havent spent a lot of time cultivating a “look,” or caring for my appearance;

9) Every report card I have ever received, from KINDERGARTEN, had the words “doesnt live up to potential” on it;

10) My ADD is even a B minus, it isnt the kind that lets me work for days and days and produce greatness, instead I produce a ton of above average work.

And that is how it has been for all of my life. Until last week when I decided that I had a problem. (And, I will argue with anyone that considers ADD to be a benefit. Thats a justification and a fallicy. ADD destroys true productivity.)

I started taking Adderall, and blogging about it daily. I no longer want to be a B Minus Kinda Guy. I want to harness this apparent potential so many other people see, and see what I can really do.

The first day or two, I did some amazing work. I finished stuff. I “moved the needle.” I contributed in a positive way. I felt good about what I had done. I hated the way the Adderall was making me feel, but was ready to look past that for the obvious benefits.

Then things started deteriorating, until this AM, I had decided to not take an Adderall. As, I walked out the door on my way to work, I stopped, and being pretty tired (I have slept a total of 6 hours over the previous two nights. DUDE! I was getting things accomplished!), I thought to myself, “I really want to be productive. Im popping an Adderall.”

As I swallowed that pill, I had flash backs to my partying days. The justification always was so that I could “do something better,” or “think more clearly,” or “be more productive.” I realized that I was addicted to being productive and the way that made me feel. I never realized how comfortable and easy addiction is for me. I do it without thinking; I default to becoming addicted.

The day got worse. My body felt horrible, my heart was racing and I couldnt put two words together. I finally got the one thing I wanted done completed, but it was filled with stupid typos, even though I had checked through it three times. I gave up, and went home, where I laid in a silent dark room, as I had on some many occasions prior to April 1, 2006, and wished for the feeling to pass (which was better than wishing it would end, like the old days.). Its now 11pm, 15 hours after taking the Adderall, and I am still feeling off. More importantly, I am feeling like a B Minus Kinda Guy again.

So, as I tell anyone that gets a biting review from me, I have decided to change course. My goal is the same, leave the B Minus Kinda Guy behind.

I am going to change my diet, find a different medication, start exercising more (I did lose 5 pounds last week), and focus on the primary difference between the B Minus Kinda Guy and achievement: Learning from my mistakes and not repeating them; postivitely contributing and working to completition. Which, by the way, is the very definition of achievement.

Frankly, I am going to hold myself to higher standard than I hold everyone else, as I think I have been breaking my second fundemental absolute and convincing myself otherwise.

So, goodbye B Minus Kinda Guy.

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