A Rambling Diatribe on Beliefs and Bad Habits

by Micah

Over the past week, I have been really busy. Three sets of friends came to visit (meaning 4 trips to and from the airport) and I backed that up with a trip out to DC for business. In the past seven days, I have been to an airport 8 times.

I am tired. Tired to my core. I am wrecked. Which, of course, is the best time to explore that core.

Someone I am just getting to know well commented on two things that seem to hold true about me: 1) I live in a world of absolutes (I am bipolar, guess it fits); and 2) I have a list of tenets that I believe in and are immutable.

My friend Meg, who is probably one of my favorite and most respected writers I know, and I talk a lot about writing styles in terms of style and flow. She tells me often that I always write in terms of conclusions and completeness. I dont write open ended. I dont allow the reader to garner their own interpretations or continue or shape the conversation.

This is not done on purpose. I dont begin writing a post thinking to myself, “Gosh, I know how this starts and ends!” I just start writing. But, lets go back to my other friend who claims I live in absolutes and have tenets. I am going to take Meg’s advice, and let you draw your own conclusions.

Here are my beliefs/tenets:

  • I believe that there is always a right thing to do. We all know what the right thing to do is, we sometimes decide to not do it.
  • I believe that honesty and openness always trumps deceit. That the pain that sometimes goes with being honest is worth more than the avoidance that comes with deceit.
  • I believe that above all respecting yourself and others allows others to respect you.
  • I believe that giving should be done without expectation. Always.
  • I believe that you have to always be the most important person to you. That if you dont put you first, then you will have nothing left to give others.
  • I believe that its always about the person.
  • I believe that how you life your life is a clearer message than telling someone else how to live there’s.
  • I believe change comes from one person convincing one person that difference is good.
  • I believe that the only thing I really own in my reputation.
  • I believe that to make someone happy is the greatest gift you can give yourself.
  • I believe that respect is the greatest gift you can give of yourself.
  • I believe trust is the most fragile gift you can receive.
  • I believe that being the best is a curse, but being the worst is pure torture.
  • I believe that my bad habits will one day be my downfall.

I believe this list has gotten too long, so to summarize:

1) do the right thing. always.

2) be open and honest. always.

3) give. time. respect. knowledge. friendship. expect nothing. always.

4) bad habits. bad. avoid.

Why am I so scared of my bad habits (these are personality traits, like talkative, etc. those could be another list)? And what are they? Yay! another list:

  • I tend to think in terms of “I,” not “we” or “us.”
  • I tend to not see shades of grey.
  • I find asking for help really really really hard.
  • I tend to feel that I can brute force any problem.
  • I tend to worry. a lot. about everything. always.
  • I dont ever relax completely.
  • I am unbelievably loyal.
  • I want everyone to respect me.
  • I want to be the best. I want to win. always.
  • I dont like being a follower in any situation.
  • I like knowing. everything.

If you have been a long time reader of this blog, you will see within those bad habits every failure and mistake that I have experienced. Every one.

No wonder they scare me.

Here is my final struggle. Here, Brad and David, is what I suck at.

My beliefs/tenets exist to make me a better person and a more valuable to the people around me, but my bad habits are endemic to my nature and hard to eliminate or change. Frankly, I dont like it, but dont know if I have the strength to change it.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Im going to bed.