One of the interesting stats that Lijit provides is “Results that returned no results.” When checking my stats tonight, I came across these four results. The first, is my good friend, Dave Guarnieri, who was probably searching to see if I ever wrote anything about him. The second was pretty interesting, the third and fourth are a bit dry for my taste this evening.

Given that this is good information so that I can write what my readers are looking for, I decided to see if I could write something on the topic “micah baldwin is a drug addict.” Figure that could be fun and interesting. So below is my attempt to write a post on the topic “micah baldwin is a drug addict.” Like most of what I write, it will not be what it seems.

For those that have met me, besides my striking good looks and wonderful tattoos, the next aspect of my personality that comes to light is my gregarious talking, ability to bounce between multiple subjects seemingly at random, and inability to sit still without fidgeting.

Yes, in case its not self-evident, I suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder. Not ADHD (which includes hyperactivity, something I have never necessarily been accused of.)

My ADD manifests itself in many ways, mostly, I cant sit still. I rarely sit in a chair for longer than 15-20 minutes, and I am constantly doing several things at the same time. I often have a hard time holding onto a single subject, bouncing between multiple subjects, often confusing and/or frustrating the people I am dealing with.

I have always lived with ADD, and over the years have learned to deal with many aspects of the disorder. I’ve never medicated (except for the couple of years of self medication), figuring I could deal with it myself. That I could keep my ADD self contained through humor and enough successes that my shortcomings caused by ADD could be hidden. And, for the most part, it worked.

But, I started to realize that there was a major flaw in my plan. The one thing that ADD disallows me from doing is consistently following through. I often start projects and dont finish them. Even mundane things like brushing my teeth are some times a struggle. I plan every morning to brush my teeth, and sometimes its several hours after I have left the house that I remember that I forgot to brush them. Putting on my shoes. I will often put on one shoe, and then remember to do something go and do it, and start to leave the house with a single shoe on.

“Absent mindedness is a sign of genius.”

I was told this many times. Albert Einstein was always the example. But, Im not trying to figure out how to bend time and space. So, yes, I have a problem. But, its even greater than that. Micah Baldwin is a drug addict, and the drug I am addicted to is ADD.

Today, I started taking Adderrall. Ive tried other ADD medications, and never really found anything that I liked. Its the slow release version, and I took it this am. After about 30 minutes, I felt my brain slow down. Not in a fuzzy way, but in the way where I felt I had to really think and select each word I was using. Normally, there is no thinking, just talking.

I found myself doing a single task and not noticing anything around me while doing it. Even with someone sitting right next to me, I had to remind myself that there was someone there who wanted to talk to me.

It’s hard to explain, but I kept thinking “Is this how normal people think? Do things move this slowly for everyone else?”

And, I hated it.

It made me completely uncomfortable. I was in a vulnerable state. But, every time I needed my wit, it came as quickly as usual. A nice comeback rolled off my tongue, a biting retort followed. I felt good that I wasnt “dulled.”

But, I felt subdued, less energetic, less manic than I am normally. Basically, I felt like “Not Micah.”

But who knows? Perhaps its a better Micah. My goal this year it to push my personal boundaries and do things that make me feel uncomfortable, out of sorts, vulnerable, unprotected and humble. Because, even as risky as people think my life is, for me its a life that is comfortable, invincible, protected and quite narcissistic.

After all, its impossible to improve your life if you just do the same thing all the time. How will I grow, learn, improve if all I do is what I know in a known way?

So, tomorrow, I plan to wake up. Brush my teeth, and pop another pill. I quit partying 22 months ago, and now its time for another intervention and rehab stint. Only this time, I am not giving up drinking and drugs, but the Me in Micah.

Hope my ROI is positive…

Popularity: 7% [?]