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Micah January 7th

Hate, Fear and Misunderstanding

Fundamental to the human existence is hate, fear and misunderstanding.

Humans, by nature, stereotype the things and people around them, in order to process information quickly and timely. It is almost a safety mechanism.

Here is an example:

What is this?

photo taken by just.Luc

photo taken by just.Luc

Chairs right?

How do you know they are chairs?

Our brains have to consume information quickly and make decisions even faster in order to make sense of our surroundings and, frankly, determine if there is danger.

Over time, that stereotyping tends to lead to fear (that the other object or person will cause pain or death); hate (often the expression of fear); or, which tends to be true more often than not, misunderstanding (basically your assumption about the person or object is wrong).

I am, according to most doctors, scales, charts, websites and moms, obese. Obesity is defined as a body mass index (BMI) of 30 kg/m2 or higher. According to my handy-dandy iPhone app called HealthCoach I have a BMI of 47.0 kg/m2.  At 5’8″, I weight just over 309 lbs. Im a big dude.

Never really thought of myself as obsese. Ive always been big, but athletic. I was a swimmer, wrestler and football player in high school, and played lacrosse in college (and afterwards for another 10 years, until I retired about 5 years ago).

So its interesting to see how people treat me. I think my tattoos, choice of dress, haircut and demeanor make me more “scary,” but I wonder if thats my answer to the standard stereotype of a fat person. Of course, being the scary guy also means that less people in bars, on planes, etc are interested in engaging in diologue.

Have I inadvertanly created fear and misunderstanding in people? Is that why people are so surprised when they get to know me that I am not that “scary” dude?

This is something I have chewed on for quite awhile. Take it one step further…

How does this affect your interactions online? Do you carry your fears and misconceptions to Twitter, Facebook and the rest?

Do you “create a whole new persona” when you are online?

I alway say that I am who I am online or off, but I think that is really not true. I think that online I am an exaggeration of my offline persona, or else people wouldnt be so surprised at my offline persona.

Take it one step further.

Look at the (Personal) Brand you are working with.

Are you fostering the same fears and misunderstandings online that you have offline, or are you actively working to change them?

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  • http://www.seanbohan.com Sean Bohan

    in little ways, these fears and misconceptions about a person can possibly be minimized by these interactions online.

    we get to “know” others by their ideas, posts, Qik vids, thoughts, writings and interactions in these social spaces. Sure we add our own biases and nonsense to these interactions too, but maybe the same disconnect that lets nice, cool people turn into trolls when they get in front of a keyboard. We never met before Gnomedex this year, but I got to “know” Micah in little ways, between tweets and blog posts and emails on a certain unnamed list (the douchebag thing is still hysterical to me).

    Maybe we can have _context_ about people in the same way we have context about statements, situations, ideas, concepts. Context isn't the content, but it is an appreciation.

    this is a great post – thanks for sharing it

  • Nancy Compton

    Micah – Thanks for one again writing openly about something personal to you. I have a close friend that is 'technically' obese. I don't see her that way. Instead see a dear friend that I love very much who is witty, talented, well read, kind, way smarter than the average bear and funny as hell. It always surprises me when she is discriminated against. It is usually in subtle ways like being shown to a crappy table in a restaurant when lots of primo tables are available. Worse is when people look through her. Frankly, it sucks. We as a country have made alot of progress in the area of discrimination. We need to make process on this one too. Thanks for giving me the place to say that.

  • Miragi

    I don't think there is ANYONE online who isn't in some way behaving (speaking) differently than they do in person. Me, included. Online is where I get to practice being the outgoing, personable, loveable person that I just can't seem to be in person. I'm invisible in public, or at best, just in peoples' way. Of course, I'm sure the negative 10 foot aura that I exude probably doesn't help that either, but still. Hell, I don't even know myself half the time, at least when it comes to my perception of me. The me I see in the mirror and the me in my head are completely and entirely different than the me in pictures, the good shots and the bad ones. I'm working on it. Always.

    Great thoughts. Thanks!

  • http://mypartofcolorado.blogspot.com/ paul merrill

    Great reminder to avoid those stereotypes.

    Underneath the outside – that's what counts.

  • http://learntoduck.com micah

    I really need to write my piece for Louis. Im really slipping in that
    regard. I do think that online gives you the ability to test
    relationships prior to engaging in them….

  • http://www.changeforge.com ChangeForge | Ken Stewart

    Micah, great observations yet again. I have been rolling some of these concepts around in my head, and even recently posted something a little 1984-ish on LG's website about whether we were too connected… I wonder whether the web is a place to conduct “plastic surgery” on the cheap to our persona, but I cannot deny it is a wonderful place to “meet” people and have great conversations. While I know the relationships via online only are usually not substantial, but this medium is a wonderful primer to learn about someone from the inside out – at least if they are being genuine… Once these so-called relationships extend out into meatspace, a lot of the artificial barriers we might have erected during the initial introductions can be sidestepped, in effect. Who knows, maybe that's why online dating services work so well (or do they)? Dunno, but this was a good read nonetheless.

  • http://learntoduck.com micah

    I really need to write my piece for Louis. Im really slipping in that
    regard. I do think that online gives you the ability to test
    relationships prior to engaging in them….

  • http://www.changeforge.com ChangeForge | Ken Stewart

    Micah, great observations yet again. I have been rolling some of these concepts around in my head, and even recently posted something a little 1984-ish on LG's website about whether we were too connected… I wonder whether the web is a place to conduct “plastic surgery” on the cheap to our persona, but I cannot deny it is a wonderful place to “meet” people and have great conversations. While I know the relationships via online only are usually not substantial, but this medium is a wonderful primer to learn about someone from the inside out – at least if they are being genuine… Once these so-called relationships extend out into meatspace, a lot of the artificial barriers we might have erected during the initial introductions can be sidestepped, in effect. Who knows, maybe that's why online dating services work so well (or do they)? Dunno, but this was a good read nonetheless.

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