A loss for words.
My grandmother died yesterday. It wasnt sudden, nor was it a surprise.
Doesnt mean it was less sad.
I had been traveling, most recently speaking at TribeCon in New Orleans, when my mom called to say it wasnt looking good.
“What does that mean?” I asked.
“It means she is probably going to die.”
I felt a bit guilty having fun in New Orleans, which was a LOT of fun (I got yelled at for checking into so many places on FourSquare), but I knew there was nothing I could do.
“She is unconscious,” my mom told me.
“What does that mean?” I asked.
“It means she has a 30% chance of never waking up.”
When two feet or so of snow fell in Boulder, my friend Eric decided to head back to help his wife move their house. I thought it would be good for me to be back in Boulder for my animals, and would make me closer to San Jose in case anything happened.
“Things have take a turn for the worse,” my mom told me before I boarded the flight.
“What does that mean?” I asked.
“It means that we are beginning to prepare for the funeral.”
Eric and I landed in Cincinnati after the first leg of our trip. In the terminal was a Chic-Fil-A, which was awesome. Eric and I talked about comic books and movies, and my phone rang.
“Things are looking better,” my mom said, hopefully.
“What does that mean?” I asked.
“It means that we are starting to look for skilled nursing facilities.”
My phone was nearly depleted, so I turned it off completely for the last leg of the trip. With no iPhone to play with, I thought a lot about my life and my grandparents. When I was first out of school, and people asked about my story, I would often offer my grandparents story instead.
My grandfather was born in Romania to a doctor’s family. When World War II hit, his family was driven from their homes, their possessions taken, and they were pushed out of the country. My grandfather ended up in a forced labor camp, where, with another person, they were able to escape. During their trip to Palestine, they were captured by the British, and were detained on Cyprus. My grandfather, having the best English among all his peers, became the translator.
And, while ships sat out in the international waters, my grandfather would help steal butter (to cover the skin of the detainees) and help detainees swim out to the ships, which eventually took them to Palestine.
My grandmother was born in Shanghai, China, where there was a thriving Jewish population (mostly Russian, mostly exiles of the 1917 Bolshevik Revolution). Her father ran the local newspaper and was head of many Jewish groups. When the Japanese invaded China during World War II, they travelled to Palestine.
In Palestine, my grandmother and grandfather settled on Kibbutz Dafna, where they met and married, and became pregnant with my mom, aptly named Dafna.
(On a side note, when my mom was 18, she spent some time at Kibbutz Dafna, where she met my biological father. Not sure what that means. Perhaps I should visit there as well?)
My grandmother became a simultaneous translator, learning 9 languages, and over the course of her life wrote 7 or 8 books about all kinds of things. For the things she was known for, she was a speaker in demand. Even later in life, when she could barely walk, she would shuttle around speaking at various events. At one, she had people help carry her through the back of the building, so the children that she was speaking to wouldnt see her disability.
As we landed, and I turned on my phone, I got the normal buzzes of emails and tweets. As I watched the notifications fly by, I saw a missed call from my mom, then a second one, then one from my dad, and finally a text message from my dad.
I called my dad.
“Its pretty bad, Micah.” My dad started. “They have her on a respirator and a morphine drip.”
“What does that mean?” I asked.
“It means that unless something drastic happens, she wont make it through the night.”
I put my suitcase in my car, and climbed into the driver seat. I plugged my phone in and got my bluetooth headset working. I backed out of the spot, and headed towards the parking lot exit.
My sisters are pretty amazing people. My middle sister, Marissa, has studied to be an actress, has a beautiful voice, and recently ran a marathon. My youngest sister, Natalia, helps kids not only realize that they have potential, but gives them the tools to achieve it. I know without thinking, that my grandmother is proud of them. But me? Ive always been the black sheep, the troublemaker of the family. Ive done many wrong things right, and many right things wrong. I know that she never understood my choices in life, but I know that she was always excited to hear what I am doing.
I called Natalia. I know that it must be hard for her.
“She is really peaceful.” Natalia answered.
“What does that mean?” I asked.
“It means that if you want to talk to her, now is your chance.”
As my sister lowered the phone to my grandmothers ear, I scrambled for something to say. I knew that I needed to say the right thing. Perhaps the one thing that would make all this right. The seconds felt like minutes as I couldnt figure out what the magic words would be. Finally, I just opened my mouth, trusting the words that would come.
“Babu, I think for the first time ever, you and I are both at a loss for words.”
And I cried.
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I am so sorry for your loss, Micah. You are in my thoughts.
Michah – your beautifully written post is a wonderful homage to your babu. I'm so sorry for your loss but touched by your transparency and tenderness.
Aaron
Sorry to hear about this, Micah. Thanks for sharing with us. You know your true friends care about you. Stay strong and take care of yourself. Everything else can wait.
Yep, Bubbies are special.
Micah, my thoughts are with you my friend. I know all too well that feeling of being at a loss for words. I'll never forget the day my grandmother died. And, even though I was only four, I'll never forget the day my dad died.
Take solace that you have a lot of people who are more there for you than you think.
Having just been through this in the past couple years with my grandmother, I can relate, and agree that sometimes there just aren't words. Best wishes for you and your family.
I am sorry for your loss and feel lucky that I had a chance to meet your Grandmother. She was a hell of a lady, a total firecracker, and I think she hit on me! I say that with no disrespect just the fond memory of a very cool person
Micah – I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Deepest condolences. Thank you for making me think about my own grandmother and the memories.
Having just been through this in the past couple years with my grandmother, I can relate, and agree that sometimes there just aren't words. Best wishes for you and your family.
Micah, I'm so sorry to hear the news, regardless that it was expected. I just went through the same exact thing with my grandmother a few months ago, and I know how sad it is. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Sorry, to here of your lose. Best wishes to you and the rest of your family.
Three of my grandparents passed away back 12 to 15 years ago and my grandmother on my mom's side did so a few years ago. She was the one I always thought would be the first to go and she out live the rest of them by a dozen years. Life's strange that way.
Best of luck and keep thinking positive thoughts.
My deepest sympathy to you Micah.
That is an amazing testimonial to an amazing life.
My condolences to you and your family.
-Sean
Micah,
I am sorry to hear about your loss, I have been there and just know that time heals all wounds. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Will
Beautiful story- thanks for sharing it.
hugs
Micah-
Thanks for sharing…I went through the same thing at this point last year and it's tough. You obviously have learned much from her and loved her greatly. The thing that's helped me is to keep those memories and lessons close as you can remember her in your life and actions…
Thanks for sharing that buddy – beautifully written.
I hope your loss doesn't take away from the amazing life and pride you are building for your family going forward.
Thanks for sharing that buddy – beautifully written.
I hope your loss doesn't take away from the amazing life and pride you are building for your family going forward.
I came to your post through Mona's Twitter post and had to leave a comment. I'm very sorry for your loss. Your story about your last words with her really made me remember what we went through with with my grandma. She passed away in August and she too was Jewish and born in Shanghai – perhaps they may have known each other then. My condolences to you and your family. If your babu was anything like my grandma, I'm sure you have amazing and wonderful stories to remember of her.
I came to your post through Mona's Twitter post and had to leave a comment. I'm very sorry for your loss. Your story about your last words with her really made me remember what we went through with with my grandma. She passed away in August and she too was Jewish and born in Shanghai – perhaps they may have known each other then. My condolences to you and your family. If your babu was anything like my grandma, I'm sure you have amazing and wonderful stories to remember of her.
I bet they did. Here is a website I did for her like 8 years ago:
http://www.renakrasno.com/
Michah – your beautifully written post is a wonderful homage to your babu. I'm so sorry for your loss but touched by your transparency and tenderness.
Aaron
I am so sorry for your loss, Micah. You are in my thoughts.
Michah – your beautifully written post is a wonderful homage to your babu. I'm so sorry for your loss but touched by your transparency and tenderness.
Aaron
I am so sorry for your loss, Micah. You are in my thoughts.
I am so sorry for your loss, Micah. You are in my thoughts.
Michah – your beautifully written post is a wonderful homage to your babu. I'm so sorry for your loss but touched by your transparency and tenderness.
Aaron
Sorry to hear about this, Micah. Thanks for sharing with us. You know your true friends care about you. Stay strong and take care of yourself. Everything else can wait.
Sorry to hear about this, Micah. Thanks for sharing with us. You know your true friends care about you. Stay strong and take care of yourself. Everything else can wait.
Sorry to hear about this, Micah. Thanks for sharing with us. You know your true friends care about you. Stay strong and take care of yourself. Everything else can wait.
Yep, Bubbies are special.
Yep, Bubbies are special.
Yep, Bubbies are special.
Micah, my thoughts are with you my friend. I know all too well that feeling of being at a loss for words. I'll never forget the day my grandmother died. And, even though I was only four, I'll never forget the day my dad died.
Take solace that you have a lot of people who are more there for you than you think.
Micah, my thoughts are with you my friend. I know all too well that feeling of being at a loss for words. I'll never forget the day my grandmother died. And, even though I was only four, I'll never forget the day my dad died.
Take solace that you have a lot of people who are more there for you than you think.
Micah, my thoughts are with you my friend. I know all too well that feeling of being at a loss for words. I'll never forget the day my grandmother died. And, even though I was only four, I'll never forget the day my dad died.
Take solace that you have a lot of people who are more there for you than you think.
Having just been through this in the past couple years with my grandmother, I can relate, and agree that sometimes there just aren't words. Best wishes for you and your family.
Having just been through this in the past couple years with my grandmother, I can relate, and agree that sometimes there just aren't words. Best wishes for you and your family.
Having just been through this in the past couple years with my grandmother, I can relate, and agree that sometimes there just aren't words. Best wishes for you and your family.
I am sorry for your loss and feel lucky that I had a chance to meet your Grandmother. She was a hell of a lady, a total firecracker, and I think she hit on me! I say that with no disrespect just the fond memory of a very cool person
I am sorry for your loss and feel lucky that I had a chance to meet your Grandmother. She was a hell of a lady, a total firecracker, and I think she hit on me! I say that with no disrespect just the fond memory of a very cool person
I am sorry for your loss and feel lucky that I had a chance to meet your Grandmother. She was a hell of a lady, a total firecracker, and I think she hit on me! I say that with no disrespect just the fond memory of a very cool person
Micah – I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Deepest condolences. Thank you for making me think about my own grandmother and the memories.
Micah – I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Deepest condolences. Thank you for making me think about my own grandmother and the memories.
Micah – I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Deepest condolences. Thank you for making me think about my own grandmother and the memories.
Having just been through this in the past couple years with my grandmother, I can relate, and agree that sometimes there just aren't words. Best wishes for you and your family.
Having just been through this in the past couple years with my grandmother, I can relate, and agree that sometimes there just aren't words. Best wishes for you and your family.
Having just been through this in the past couple years with my grandmother, I can relate, and agree that sometimes there just aren't words. Best wishes for you and your family.
Micah, I'm so sorry to hear the news, regardless that it was expected. I just went through the same exact thing with my grandmother a few months ago, and I know how sad it is. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Micah, I'm so sorry to hear the news, regardless that it was expected. I just went through the same exact thing with my grandmother a few months ago, and I know how sad it is. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Micah, I'm so sorry to hear the news, regardless that it was expected. I just went through the same exact thing with my grandmother a few months ago, and I know how sad it is. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Sorry, to here of your lose. Best wishes to you and the rest of your family.
Three of my grandparents passed away back 12 to 15 years ago and my grandmother on my mom's side did so a few years ago. She was the one I always thought would be the first to go and she out live the rest of them by a dozen years. Life's strange that way.
Best of luck and keep thinking positive thoughts.
Sorry, to here of your lose. Best wishes to you and the rest of your family.
Three of my grandparents passed away back 12 to 15 years ago and my grandmother on my mom's side did so a few years ago. She was the one I always thought would be the first to go and she out live the rest of them by a dozen years. Life's strange that way.
Best of luck and keep thinking positive thoughts.
Sorry, to here of your lose. Best wishes to you and the rest of your family.
Three of my grandparents passed away back 12 to 15 years ago and my grandmother on my mom's side did so a few years ago. She was the one I always thought would be the first to go and she out live the rest of them by a dozen years. Life's strange that way.
Best of luck and keep thinking positive thoughts.
My deepest sympathy to you Micah.
My deepest sympathy to you Micah.
My deepest sympathy to you Micah.
That is an amazing testimonial to an amazing life.
My condolences to you and your family.
-Sean
That is an amazing testimonial to an amazing life.
My condolences to you and your family.
-Sean
That is an amazing testimonial to an amazing life.
My condolences to you and your family.
-Sean
Micah,
I am sorry to hear about your loss, I have been there and just know that time heals all wounds. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Will
Micah,
I am sorry to hear about your loss, I have been there and just know that time heals all wounds. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Will
Micah,
I am sorry to hear about your loss, I have been there and just know that time heals all wounds. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Will
Beautiful story- thanks for sharing it.
Beautiful story- thanks for sharing it.
Beautiful story- thanks for sharing it.
hugs
hugs
hugs
Micah-
Thanks for sharing…I went through the same thing at this point last year and it's tough. You obviously have learned much from her and loved her greatly. The thing that's helped me is to keep those memories and lessons close as you can remember her in your life and actions…
Micah-
Thanks for sharing…I went through the same thing at this point last year and it's tough. You obviously have learned much from her and loved her greatly. The thing that's helped me is to keep those memories and lessons close as you can remember her in your life and actions…
Micah-
Thanks for sharing…I went through the same thing at this point last year and it's tough. You obviously have learned much from her and loved her greatly. The thing that's helped me is to keep those memories and lessons close as you can remember her in your life and actions…
Thanks for sharing that buddy – beautifully written.
I hope your loss doesn't take away from the amazing life and pride you are building for your family going forward.
Thanks for sharing that buddy – beautifully written.
I hope your loss doesn't take away from the amazing life and pride you are building for your family going forward.
Thanks for sharing that buddy – beautifully written.
I hope your loss doesn't take away from the amazing life and pride you are building for your family going forward.
I came to your post through Mona's Twitter post and had to leave a comment. I'm very sorry for your loss. Your story about your last words with her really made me remember what we went through with with my grandma. She passed away in August and she too was Jewish and born in Shanghai – perhaps they may have known each other then. My condolences to you and your family. If your babu was anything like my grandma, I'm sure you have amazing and wonderful stories to remember of her.
I came to your post through Mona's Twitter post and had to leave a comment. I'm very sorry for your loss. Your story about your last words with her really made me remember what we went through with with my grandma. She passed away in August and she too was Jewish and born in Shanghai – perhaps they may have known each other then. My condolences to you and your family. If your babu was anything like my grandma, I'm sure you have amazing and wonderful stories to remember of her.
I came to your post through Mona's Twitter post and had to leave a comment. I'm very sorry for your loss. Your story about your last words with her really made me remember what we went through with with my grandma. She passed away in August and she too was Jewish and born in Shanghai – perhaps they may have known each other then. My condolences to you and your family. If your babu was anything like my grandma, I'm sure you have amazing and wonderful stories to remember of her.
I bet they did. Here is a website I did for her like 8 years ago:
http://www.renakrasno.com/
I bet they did. Here is a website I did for her like 8 years ago:
http://www.renakrasno.com/
I bet they did. Here is a website I did for her like 8 years ago:
http://www.renakrasno.com/
I found u through Marsha Collier's twitter message to u. Sorry for your loss.
Thoughts and prayers to you and your family, Micah.
I'm so sorry.
This post is a beautiful tribute to your grandmother, Micah. Just because it's someone's time to go doesn't make it any less difficult. May her name be for a blessing.
Very nice post. Well written and I feel your pain. At least you got to say some final words.
There are no “right” words for your loss. I can only say, along with all the other people who love you, that I'm sorry.
I'm really, really sorry.
Your tribute is beautiful.
Micah, your grandmother lived an amazing life. Rest assured, black sheep or not, she loved you.
My condolences on your loss, Micah.
“And I cried.” Me too, Micah. Perfectly written, and heart felt. All the best. :)
So sorry to hear about this Micah. I lost both of my remaining grandparents in the last year and I know how you feel. Take some time to grieve and remember her life. If I can be of help please don't hesitate to e-mail or call.
When you had to leave yesterday, I could barely get across the world's longest picnic table to give you a hug. I wish I would've climbed over the table to give you a big Louisiana squeeze. You are in my thoughts, my friend.
sorry for your loss, Micah. as always, your best writing is your most heartfelt.
I'm sorry for your loss Micah. Your grandmother sounded like a wonderful woman.
That is beautiful – thank you for sharing.
My deepest condolences to you and your family, Micah.
I always come to your blog a day or two after you write something that makes me cry… You have such a way with making me wish I were around for more of your stories and your insight.
I am so sorry for the loss of your grandmother – she must've been one amazing woman given how much just a couple of paragraphs makes me wish I'd known her.
My heart goes out to your whole family, Micah.
Clearly though, you are just one of many of an amazing family. And yeah, I think you're pretty amazing. “Black sheep” or not.
Take care of you, my friend. ((hug)) Some day? Let's grab a cup of coffee – you can tell me more stories about your Babu… I'd love to hear them.
Thank you for your thoughts, Micah, and my sincere condolences.
Micah I'm so sorry for your loss. I was “lucky”…had four living grandparents until 24. I've lost three in the last six years. It didn't matter that they were old or that I knew it was coming. It's always too soon. Beautiful post. No doubt she's proud.
My condolences. I think I may be going through something like this myself soon, and I'm halfway around the world from my folks.
Really tough stuff, Micah. Beautiful post though. Life is such a balance of acceptance, loss, and gain. You are in my thoughts.
Your strength in telling this story I hope brought you some peace, though, it's hard to come by when we face loss. The fact that your family is strong enough to have each other, is the real gift.
Telling stories about those we lost, where they were born, what they were about, is HARD, but those memories stay fresh and they're good for us.
My heart goes out to your and your family. Those tears of yours only show what a special and caring person you are. Being tough all the time is overrated. Being yourself, like you were here in your writing, is the best legacy your grandmother could ever have hoped for.