Today Maybe I Make A Change
Today, I do something that I dont do regularly or often (ok, almost never). Today, I decide to make a change so that the overall Micah is better, which then makes it better for the people that I care about.
What kinda change am I talking about? It will be subtle, but difficult. It will be specific and methodical.
Today, I learn that there is a grey area.
You see, I live in absolutes. There is a right way, and a not right way. There is success and failure. There is yes and no.
Today, I accept the maybes in life.
It goes against my black and white life style. It rails against my 100% or 0% mentality.
But, I need/want to understand the concept of perhaps.
Most of the people in the world live in a grey area. They are unsure of how their actions will affect their lives and the lives of the people around them.
Most people have difficulty being self aware.
Ok, some people may have difficulty being self aware.
And there it is, my first attempt at change.
Maybe it will stick.
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I like the visual simplicity of this post. Your sentences become simpler and shorter as you approach the central point of your change. And then it ends there. Like somehow life is now simpler even though you're introducing complexity.
Thanks. I try to muck with my writing style as an exercise to become a better writer. Glad you liked it.
Hey Micah, welcome to the world of greys…don't lose sight of the black and white, but enjoy the additional resolution that an appreciation of the shades of grey bring to life.
But seeing shades of grey won't make you less self-aware or keep them from seeing how their actions will affect the live of others. In fact, as I've learned to understand shades of grey, I'd argue that I've been better to the people around me since it has helped me understand others' perspectives better.
Just a thought, but welcome to grey-ville! And you're one step closer to Technicolor!
WIzard of Oz.
Black and White to technicolor…and back.
Black:
The raging entitlement monster Wicked Witch of the West victim (what a world, what a world) /bully (i'll get you my pretty),
fueled (broom) by revenge (surrender dorothy!) and envy (green with it, give me those slippers) for an injury, loss, or perceived slight (you killed my sister!)
White:
The good witch narcissistic rescue escapist fantasy (bubble), wave the magic wand, float away.
Both are externalized aspects of Dorothy whose abandonment injury (she was adopted, knocked on the head — did not duck — “left alone in the storm”) fuels her journey to reclaim the lost parts of herself SHE abandoned along the way as she unwinds the chronology of her injury along the yellow brick road to see the authority (wizard) who will tell her “how to work this thing” (find her parent) and find home, which she was uprooted from (tornado = adoption) and her childhood swept away, lost.
First recovering her ability to move forward at all, like a child (step by step) and rediscovering moving forward as play, a dance, an adventure, no choice is wrong, and not alone (the scarecrow — the wisdom of the child or the fool), she then reclaims her frozen heart and brings it with her (tinman), then her damaged pride and her lost courage (lion)– but not until she un”masks” the critical externalized parental voice of authority behind the curtain and discovers they, in absentia (or even if present), could not give her what they did not have to give (blowing smoke) — does she have to go and get that broomstick.
That thing that fuels the raging entitlement bully's revenge and ongoing victimization of others, and itself.
Not until things are literally on fire does she act — accidentally! — to put out that fire, and (in throwing water on the burning scarecrow) discover that it was what she is supposed to do and that it extinguished the raging entitlement bully/victim.
She does not run. She does not duck. She fights back when it was just. She TAKES the broomstick.
She returns and discovers her wizard (parent) can only go out the way they came in, full of hot air (balloon) they can't do it for her — and she is on her own.
Her escape fantasy returns — but she is able to pop the naricisstic fantasy bubble she travels in over the rainbow where there isn't any trouble, instead of running from trouble, now she knows she can — and is entitled to — face it down, and is able to go home — on her own two feet, no broom, bubble, or balloon — her own “power” — where she discovers that her sense of entitlement is appropriate — she is truly satisfied with and grateful for her lot — and at the same time, her sense of her limits — her boundaries — are now, not self destructive, neither violating the rights of others nor her own, nor presenting a risk to others or to herself. No more pushing her boundaries and in so doing violating those of others in stealing apples and risking toto through his “rescue” biting the neighbor, walking on the fence by the pigpen risking Hoss who has to “rescue” her and falls into the pen himself. No more need for escaping to a fantasy rescue world of no trouble that comes from pushing those boundaries.
She has recovered her lost birthright, that which was taken from her when she was abandoned by her parents who were either materially or figuratively absent. She knows she is *worthy* of standing up for herself, and she knows she can do it — and how to do it. (phonetically, cain and able, can and able, the two sons of abraham, the father archetype, phonetically, “I-brought-him”) In knowing her worth and her power she is very satisfied, and she respects others as she respects herself. She reclaims her birthright, her worth.
The world she returns to was gray when she left, injured, and gray when she returns. But it is beautiful when she is whole inside.
The raging entitlement monster bully victim and the narcissistic escape fantasy need each other to survive.
You can't let one go without the other.
Not to say the munckins weren't fun. And the poppies.
But there is satisfaction is knowing who you are, and that means who knowing who you aren't.
In limitation, there is freedom. You can't run from trouble, escape, or go out the way you came in.
Learn to fight (black), and learn to duck (white).
There are so many shades of gray, it's a rainbow (horse) of a different color.
The (un)winding path stirs it up and we all take it one ying-yanging step at a time.
Keep on writing.
Yeah. I like this. I'm a recovering black/white mindset person too. Some things help. Something happens, but instead of feeling like I have to come to a conclusion about what it means, I think, I don't have to have an opinion about this…yet. My friend Dan Gillmor says about such conclusion thoughts, “File under Interesting If True.” Another thing that helps is slowing down. So many things that are worth doing can't be done via a sprint effort; I just have to do them every day, and if I hit some sort of roadblock, I have to have patience and wait until I can move ahead. What I used to do is just run, run, run, collapse. Not efficient, hurts like hell, too! Sprints are great — but only when they actually work.
Yeah. I like this. I'm a recovering black/white mindset person too. Some things help. Something happens, but instead of feeling like I have to come to a conclusion about what it means, I think, I don't have to have an opinion about this…yet. My friend Dan Gillmor says about such conclusion thoughts, “File under Interesting If True.” Another thing that helps is slowing down. So many things that are worth doing can't be done via a sprint effort; I just have to do them every day, and if I hit some sort of roadblock, I have to have patience and wait until I can move ahead. What I used to do is just run, run, run, collapse. Not efficient, hurts like hell, too! Sprints are great — but only when they actually work.