For awhile I have been contemplating writing a post about what would constitute my perfect mate. In many of my friends I see quality I would love to have in a partner (and as I see the same trait in multiple friends, I begin to understand the attraction to the quality). I have hesitated mostly because I am not sure if I want to post something like this and because I dont want to hurt feelings, since I would leave out friends and some of the qualities I like in my friends, I would never want in a girlfriend or wife.

But, then I saw this post by Patrick Moberg linked on LiquidSquid and I thought it was time.

I remember beginning this thought process when I was 10-11 sitting in the basement of my grandparents house in Albion, MI with my mom, aunt and cousin discussing what my perfect wife would look like. Of course, whatever my cousin said (Blonde), I said the opposite (Brunette). It was important, as it is now, to be unique. So when he would list a feature (blue eyes), my rote response was the opposite (brown eyes). We continued to list features (Tal: Big boobs) – (Micah: We agreed on that one), and slowly a picture began to emerge.

Interestingly, that picture hasnt shifted much since then. Lets get through the physical feature set (pure wallow in the shallow for sure):

• Dark hair – Long or medium, not a fan of super short hair
• Bright eyes – grey are my favorite, hazel or brown second favorite
• Dark skin – not a big fan of alabaster, pale or translucent
• Shorter than 5′7″ (gives me room if she wears heels)
• Athletic build – not long distance runner athletic but not softball athletic either
• Medium sized chest – not huge, but more than a handful
• Booty – not JLo but not concave either
• Oval shaped face
• Cankles (lack of a defined ankle) bug me for some reason
• And I really like long, thin fingers.

Quality Set:

• Ability to tell me to shut up. My sister Natalia and friend Jamie are masters at this.
• Intelligence. Not in a PhD way, but smart enough to have me say “Wow” every once in awhile. Intelligent enough so that I dont feel like I have to explain everything. I have a ton of friends that have this quality: Seth, David, Jenn, Stephanie and many others.
• Easy laughter. I dont want someone that laughs at everything I say, but someone who sees the same humor in the world that I do. I have a strange, almost evil, sense of humor and she needs to appreciate it if not join in. Gwen, Jeff, Andrew, Jim, Bubba, My mom, Natalia and many others.
• Provide and require support equally. I tend to always be the person that takes care of the person I am dating. It makes it hard to ask for support when I need it, and so I need someone who is strong enough to support me on the days I need it, and strong enough to ask for support when they need it. (This is a hard one since I am still learning how to ask for support. Probably Bubba and Matt are the two best examples)
• Financially secure. I have done well for myself over the past couple of years, and when I was a big time partier, I had many people that hung out for the free ride. Now, when some expresses interest, my first thought is what do they want from me. I need someone who doesnt want, only needs. All of my current friends have this quality.
• Is additive. This is probably the most selfish quality for me. The person has to add to my life, not subtract or keep the status quo. I have to believe that I will be additive to theirs (yes that is slightly narcissistic). I judge all relationships this way. All my current friends have this quality (Its why my life is so good right now).

Interests: Lacrosse, Kids, Tech, Cultural events, something I know nothing about.

And, finally, it has to be someone who is respectful of my sobriety, but isnt intimidated or restricted by it. It has become as much a part of me as my tattoos, but neither define me.

So, I might not have a snazzy drawing like Patrick, or a cool website. Nor do I have a magic computer program and a Barbie Doll that looks like Kelly LeBrock. But, I do have a clear picture of what my preferences are like, and now that I have written this, when I do get married one day, Im sure I will be discussing this again…

UPDATE: A friend commented that I didnt mention age or family. I am 36 years old. Given that women tend to be more emotionally advanced than men, and ADD suffers tend to be emotionally stunted, plus the need for the woman to be financially secure (not rich, just making her own money) equals an age range of 24 – 34. 24 (after hanging out with a bevy of 21-23 year old women during the party years) is probably on the young side and 34 (I might not be mature enough for someone of that age) might be on the old side, but that range would probably fit. Also, the woman has to want a family (already having kids is not bad), and be able to deal with a close family like mine.

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