Seeking Happiness
I am an old man.
And because I am an old man, occasionally people younger than me (usually when drunk), ask me for advice.
This advice asking always amazes me given that I have made more mistakes than good choices in my life, and that while I am currently not in jail (another fact that always surprises me), I am also not the most successful person ever.
In fact, I could potentially put myself in the category of mediocre at best if categorization was called for, although I would certainly get extra points for wearing a pink hat.
Now it might be the constant stream of Bright Eyes and other emo rockers that is streaming out of the computer speakers that is causing me to Jew-up this post or it could be that my left ear is itchy as shit and driving me nuts.
But, I digress.
Seeking happiness.
One’s life can be distilled down into two major components: Life and Work. Now Life includes things like: family, sports, writing, art, etc. Basically, anything that is not Work. Work, on the other hand, includes, well, your job.
And for those seeking happiness, here is the secret.
The source of your happiness can only be one. Work or Life, you choose.
Immediately, the naysayers (amazingly there are a few) will say that happiness is derived in part by created a balance between the two.
You can only balance time, you cannot balance the source of your happiness.
Here are two examples:
My friend Lawrence. Lawrence worked for the same company for six years (he has since moved on), his job was from 7am – 4:30pm. He drove an hour to and from work. Every day, he dealt with the same group of people, doing the same thing.
I never understood why he did that job, until one day we were sitting on a bluff over the ocean and I asked him. Lawrence replied “Everyday at 4:30pm, I get to go to the things I want to do. The job gives me the ability to do that. I work out. I play lacrosse. I travel. I buy what I need. It makes my life happy.”
My other example. Me. when I first was working out of college, the president of company I worked for pulled me aside and said “Micah, people will always assume you dont do a lot of work, because your work style creates the perception that you dont work. You are never at your desk. You are always talking to people. Remember that perception trumps reality.” But, I was happy. The people that saw my production, knew I was putting in 60-80 hours a week. Even now, I leave the office, feed the animals, and turn on a computer.
In Lawrence’s example, he does enough work to have the life he wants; and in my example, I do enough life to have the work I want.
In each case, we have learned that the source of our happiness came from a different location.
Interestingly, I would imagine that most people feel that Lawrence made the right decision, and I am an idiot. I would also imagine that without the previous explanation that most people feel I am an idiot.
The bottom line: You cant have it all. Pick a place, Life or Work that you want to be the source of your happiness and build around that. You might find the results interesting.
Where is the source of your happiness? Life or Work?
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Great post Micah. Right now my source of happiness is my work and I am not sure how I feel about that. I love when you said 'I do enough life to have the work I want'. That quote will be stuck in my head for a long time.
I think my work is my escape from life right now. I have always struggled with balance. I try to do it all, be it all to everyone and that's just not possible. I think if I want true happiness, I have to accept the fact that like you said, I can balance my time and that's about it. My days will always be out of wack somehow and I have to realize that's okay.
There is nothing wrong with enjoying your job and allowing it to take
more of your time. There is a thing in the US where we are supposed to
work really hard and long, but when we do it, we must be unhappy
because we arent enjoying life. As if “life” has been defined equally
for all.
There are a couple of things that are inherently hypocritical in our
society.
1) its ok to discriminate against fat people and smokers.
2) that when someone prefers work, its ok to look down on them as
someone who doesnt enjoy life; and when someone enjoys life (A friend
told me of a friend of hers that quit his high paying job to be a
waiter so he could mountain bike more) we think they have no goals or
drive.
Just be happy that someone is happy. No idea why that is so hard.
Such a helpful post, Micah! Whether it be Bright Eyes or the pink hat, the source of the wisdom is certainly appreciated (and yeah doesn't it often come from unexpected places?). I used to feel like there was something totally wrong with me, that I was a lazy slacker for not deriving happiness from work, and yes it seemed deeper than just simply not finding the right job. I'm simply at a place in my life right now where other things make me so much happier. And realizing that's okay, and understanding the sources of why I thought it may not have been, is deeply impactful. And I love your points 1 and 2 in your comment above, so so true. And yeah I have no idea why we're all so judgmental, why is it to hard to just accept people for finding their own sources of happiness? Thanks for talking about this. Thanks for having an itchy left ear.
Why should it have to be one or the other? (I'm the naysayer, I suppose!)
My pastor shared a testimony this week of a woman who attends our church. She had been unemployed for months, and wasn't praying for just a job, but a position. She knew that there's so much more than just finding a source of income; that being able to apply your gifts and talents in your area of work speaks volumes to your happiness in that work. I wholeheartedly agree.
The more you love what you do, the less it seems like work and more like life, and the line between the two becomes harder to distinguish. So in theory, your work/life “balance” becomes a gray area, because in the end they are one in the same.
–
By the way, the woman got her dream position in a specialized field, just a week after requesting prayer :)
Which is essence proves my point. She wanted to find happiness in her
job. She could have worked in any job to make money, but she wanted a
specific job. So we waited and waited, going so far as to get your
church to pray (request) that she got that specific job, because
otherwise, she would not have been happy.
Right?
I am not sure I like the term “Jew up” – or am I being over sensitive? And what do you mean by old? I just came form a “meet up” where I bet I was the oldest in the room – and I am not yet 60. People who are old are *much* older than 60!
I made the term up. As a Jew's Jew, I get that option. :) Old is a state of mind my friend. Or the fact that I am older than most, but not all. Sounds like you had fun, keep it up!
Wow! What an interesting page!
Micah, while I find your “take your pick” advice interesting and possible for those who may not know any happiness, I have to agree with Heather, that ideally, we should be applying our gifts and talents in our work, thereby gaining satisfaction and happiness.
We have our gifts and talents for a reason. Fulfilment will be elusive until we use them. Total fulfilment comes from applying them in our life's work.
Micah,
I've always chosen 'Life' over 'Work'. As a kid, I knew I wanted the freedom of a 'job'. Thus, when I left my last corporate job (2005), I toughed it out on my own to 'enjoy life'. Any chance I can, I'm on a plane to another city. Or, I'm spending time with friends, seeing favorite movies and visiting the bookstore. I grew up believing that hard work didn't necessarily equal success. I wanted to work smarter. I wanted to see ahead and beyond the masses.
My freedom over the last few years have been wonderful. Sure, my income varied as a self-employed guy, but the freedom was liberating. I declared a few weeks ago that I would remain independent of a job (though I don't deny 'peeking' at jobs on occasion as a 'just in case' measure). I see the modern day job as slavery. Going to work for someone was never a stimulating experience for me. I wanted to vomit more often than anything else.
So, yeah, this lifestyle brings me happiness (when I'm not saddled down by trying to save and inspire the world).
Micah, it a pleasure to meet you in person last week at James Hobans, here in DC.
Why frame it as a choice between deriving your source of happiness from life or from work? Fuck that. I choose neither, and I work very hard to derive my happiness from pure living. My only enemy is wasting time in dull moments. From that perspective, my job AND my life is damn interesting because if its not, trust that I won't wait around too long for someone else to “make something happen”.
Wouldnt then by definition, if you “derive [your] happiness from pure
living” mean you derive your happiness from life/living? You can enjoy
your job/work, but what really is the genesis of your happiness? your
work or your life?
It was great meeting you as well!
I don't discern my job as separate from my life or visa versa. I put effort into everything I do, some things I get paid for, other things I don't, and its largely inconsequential to my own happiness. I derive happiness from seeing the fruits of my labor regardless of whether I'm on the clock or not. The way I see it, It's not about getting “there”, it's more about the ride. If the ride sucks, but there's a payout around the corner, that's not compelling enough. Life is too short.
Do you work for yourself? I certainly had a similar attitude when I
ran my agency.
Yes, actually, I do. Good call.
I do agree that there are many people that don't focus. They either just do what they have to do to get by with their job, just to give them the ability to live and do the things externally. Or they go through the motions of a job to an extreme, because there is nothing else in there lives but their job.
While I get reasons for both, I don't see either option as ultimately being a good way to live.
The majority of our life time is spent doing work. So, you gotta work right? Well if we're not pushing ourselves for the sake of developing ourselves at every chance we get, then wtf are we doing?
Opportunity exists in the most menial, tedious, and repetitive jobs out there. Yes, in some jobs I can imagine it could take almost delusional levels of positive thinking to self-motivate, but again, if you're not being positive and pushing your boundaries… then there's no point in doing it.. I mean the money will never be enough for sure, if you're living every day counting the seconds until quitin' time.
I don't think it actually has anything to do with the work itself but your own attitude and overall life situation. For instance there are plenty of people who are happy even though they have horrible jobs, and even a dream job, over time will start to feel like a regular job. So I think you have the right idea about finding a good balance and just staying on track to do the things that really make you happy.
I don't think it actually has anything to do with the work itself but your own attitude and overall life situation. For instance there are plenty of people who are happy even though they have horrible jobs, and even a dream job, over time will start to feel like a regular job. So I think you have the right idea about finding a good balance and just staying on track to do the things that really make you happy.