Follow Me:
Micah March 10th

The Art of Being a Dick

A couple of days ago, Techstars here in Boulder hosted their annual Techstars For A Day program. The idea is to bring a bunch of potential Techstar companies together with a bunch of mentors and alumni to discuss the program and learn more about each other.

As I walked in, Colin, who was working the door, and who I had met the previous year at Techstars For A Day, greets me and says, “Don’t be mean.”

“Wow,” I think to myself, “am I really mean?”

One of the activities I enjoy most at Techstars is Pitch Practice. I consider myself decent at pitching, and I want to add as much value as I can. Last year, I attended 3-4 sessions. During one session, a company led with the fact that they were married.

“Don’t lead with that you are married. 1) No one cares; 2) Being married adds no value to your potential success, and frankly, it could be a turnoff to investors.”

Another company presented their idea, and I responded after a few others gave the normal platitudes, “Guys, I viscerally hate what you presented. It fails on all levels and personally its disappointing because I know you are better than that.”

At the end of the session, Nicole, GM of Techstars, pulled me aside and said, “Some of the companies feel you are just being mean.”

“Really?” I ponder. “Am I really mean?”

Over the years, I have realized that generally people dont like to give other people raw truth. It can cause pain; it isnt affirming and in many ways its not socially acceptable.

The key to providing raw truth is not the truth you provide, but the actions you take immediately following. In the case of the second company, we spent 2-3 hours revamping their presentation, to what turned out to be a really strong pitch. In the case of the first company, they started to focus on their product and their team, and less on their marriage, creating a much more cohesive story.

Last night, Techstars had an open house. A few companies that didnt get invited to Techstars For A Day, or were there and wanted to have further discussion came. I sat down with one that specifically wanted to talk to me. “I heard you are tough” they said.

“I am just honest,” I replied. (Actually I said I am raw. Which is my new favorite way of saying if you play with the bull, you might get the horns. Or dont poke the bear. Or any other great saying.)

Over the course of the next 30-45min we chatted about their idea. We spent time around why the idea was important to them, what were their challenges, how much success have they had. What were their core values.

“I hate your idea. Its lame.”

And, about 20min into the conversation, one of the founders leans back and says, “Well, I have this idea, that I havent told anyone. What do you think of this?”

“That is a good idea. That is something that really solves an issue. Its hard, but if you pull it off, its amazing.”

And I started to see the wheels spin. If I had heard the first idea and given them platitudes, would I have gotten to the better idea? No. I would have smiled, listened politely, and then crossed them off my list of interesting companies.

Providing raw truth is hard. Its easy to be mean. It creates an aura around you that you arent someone to trifle with. It makes you different.

But, when you can artfully be a dick, the outcomes are often quite amazing (at least when the other person doesnt cry).

And, you want to know the real, raw truth about me? I care. I really, really care. Entrepreneurship is hard. Startups suck. And, no one is doing anyone a solid by providing polite feedback. There is no excitement in watching a young entrepreneur “pay his dues.”

The next time you ask someone for advice, ask them to be truly brutally honest. Politely honest does you no favors. You will continue down a path that could lead to abject failure, and it is extremely condescending for another person to believe you cant handle the truth.

After all, how are you ever going to learn to duck, if you dont get punched in the face?

Related articles
Enhanced by Zemanta
startups Add to del.icio.us  Digg This
  • http://twitter.com/jhatchdj jhatchdj

    AMEN! Truth …bald faced naked truth..far too uncommon and never more needed than it is right now.

  • http://twitter.com/eriksquared Erik Engstrom

    I’m a bit bullish around china (imagine that!). I had to learn a long time ago to filter the “raw” as the start-point for discussion and I struggle with it all the time, especially in spaces where I have a great deal more experience than the people I am dealing with.

    Where I’d like to say, “You guys are fucked.” What I end up saying is; “This is a challenging situation, one I’m fairly experienced with. My first inclination is, “You guys are fucked.”, but I think we can probably work through it and look at alternatives together.” This gets people nodding with you, coming to your side of the opinion and doesn’t (even though you said the “raw” thing) target them explicitly.

    I get where you’re coming from, I do, but if you want to present real value to someone seeking your advice, it will come from taking the “raw” out of the lead-in criticism and using it as an anecdote in the discussion. Try and think of it as using the “raw” with others, not against them.

    I’ve been a big business consultant for over a decade (which means some of my very first projects and management directives are just NOW coming to fruition… :) ) and it took a long time to adjust my thinking and understand the meme. There may not be any value driver for you to do so, but I just feel it’s hard for people to appreciate a concussion that they didn’t give to themselves (re: learn to duck).

    Have a good day!

  • http://alexcalic.com Alex Calic

    Telling people you true thoughts = you truly care.

  • Anonymous

    Are people who want to do a startup really that thin skinned? Good lord, they have no idea what they’re in for if they actually get to run a company.

    I’d be happy to pitch to anyone who would cut me off in 30 seconds and tell me my idea was lame and why. More learning in minute than a day long trip to Sand Hill Road.

    -XC

  • http://stevenbuehler.info swbuehler

    You’ll have to pardon me if I accidentally call you Simon Cowell. ;-)

  • http://learntoduck.com/ micah

    Only if I can have his money.

  • http://berislav.lopac.net Berislav Lopac

    I don’t know if this “emperor’s new clothes” approach is common in the US, but where I live (Croatia, but I think this applies to most of Europe too) you will be lucky if you heard any praises, even deserving. People usually compete in trying to bring out the bigger flaw in your project and reasoning, even to the point that “there is someone doing vaguely similar” is the grounds of proclaiming the whole project failed before it even began.

  • http://learntoduck.com/ micah

    I think that is a great point. Often it seems that people enjoy tearing an
    idea down, rather than exploring it and finding the golden nuggets as well
    as the flaws…

  • Anonymous

    I like people who give me the honest truth! I don’t want polite nods and fake encouragement. But when giving me the honest truth, I also want to hear the full reasoning behind it.

    So, “this sucks, change it” doesn’t quite cut if for me but, “this sucks. It lacks, this, and needs, that, and basically, does nothing for people bla bla” is something I can actually work with.

    I think you’re doing that, so Simon, I mean Micah, good job! :D

  • Anonymous

    I like people who give me the honest truth! I don’t want polite nods and fake encouragement. But when giving me the honest truth, I also want to hear the full reasoning behind it.

    So, “this sucks, change it” doesn’t quite cut if for me but, “this sucks. It lacks, this, and needs, that, and basically, does nothing for people bla bla” is something I can actually work with.

    I think you’re doing that, so Simon, I mean Micah, good job! :D

  • http://www.jonathanvaudreuil.com/ Jonathan Vaudreuil

    I’ve had both extremes for managers – raw and tactful. The successful ones were always raw, and those who seemed to have a string of failures or bad decisions following them around were tactful. Personally I’m trying to smooth out my bluntness just a wee bit, as I prefer raw/blunt/honest interaction.

    I’ve seen the tactful always get themselves into messes blunt people don’t seem to get in.

    The middle ground could be the best solution. Be blunt while being respectful. People keep mentioning Simon from Idol here, but what about Steven Tyler? I watched only one episode this year, during the try-outs, and Tyler sauntered across the intersection of “blunt and respectful” like he owned the block. Instead of saying, “You suck!” he’d slip in something like, “Have your friends been telling you that you can sing? You need some new friends, ones who won’t lie to you.”

    Powerful, yet not going for the jugular.

  • http://www.knyshov.com Leonid S. Knyshov

    I am participating in @StartupMonthly here in Bay Area and have been a part of other similar events. I usually like to help several teams at once due to my core expertise being an infrastructure architect. My teams have won several times.

    One highly emotional area is ruthlessly cutting features from a product. I reduced a 20-slide deck into a single slide. It makes sense now in a matter of seconds.

    It does not feel nice, but it is essential if the team is actually to ship a viable product. I’ve cut tons of features from my own upcoming products and that crystallized the vision. They can actually be explained in a couple of sentences and result in an order.

    Complexity is the enemy of clarity. It’s OK to add complexity later, but it helps to have a core use case and several auxiliary use cases that can be used to expand on it based on the business of the person or audience you are talking to.

  • Pingback: Weekend Coffee Links: Proper Etiquette Edition

  • Anonymous

    There’s also an Art of Being a Bitch, which unfortunately doesn’t always work as well as your art because people are turned off by bitches. such a dilemma….

  • Anonymous

    Just because you don’t have one doesn’t mean you can’t be a dick. I think bitch is closer to being an asshole or a jerk.

  • http://twitter.com/kirtidhingra Kirti

    One of the things they teach at Business School is that whenever you are sharing feedback and have points that may criticize someone’s work balance it with some positives. That is a very powerful approach.

    Your point of following up the truth with actions is also great, but its not possible to do that everytime

  • Anonymous

    So this is what a dick writes about…. Interesting. For someone who has spent most of his 50 years trying to be anything but a dick you got my attention and made some points that I plan on wrestling with. One really cool thing that happened to me this year… it wouldn’t bother me if you didn’t like me… at least not most of the time. Thanks for the rawness, really… it’s refreshing.

  • Pingback: Pitch Perfect - Pre-Pitch

  • http://twitter.com/jpmorgan Josh Morgan

    I remember this advice well and think about it often. For someone like me who has a hard time being a dick, just thinking about it is almost self regulating. Instead of being the nice guy, I’m just stern. Or, somewhere in the middle of being a dick and being nice.

    Seriously, I really do remember you giving me this advice. I think we were at the dog park in Boulder. It has saved my ass on several occasions in the last few years.

    Thx for keeping it real and writing this article so others can benefit!

  • http://twitter.com/jpmorgan Josh Morgan

    I remember this advice well and think about it often. For someone like me who has a hard time being a dick, just thinking about it is almost self regulating. Instead of being the nice guy, I’m just stern. Or, somewhere in the middle of being a dick and being nice.

    Seriously, I really do remember you giving me this advice. I think we were at the dog park in Boulder. It has saved my ass on several occasions in the last few years.

    Thx for keeping it real and writing this article so others can benefit!

  • Pingback: The Art of Being A Punching Bag | ideas don't work