As I was leaving Startup Weekend a couple of weekends ago, the same thought passed through my head that I have every time I talk to young entrepreneurs, “They have no idea what a startup is all about.”

Now, before all you entrepreneurs gather together with pitchforks and torches, let me explain. Most people who consider themselves entrepreneurs are really just enthralled by the start of the Startup Life, and less so by the middle or end.

Ben Casnocha, in his book My Start-Up Life: What a (Very) Young CEO Learned on His Journey Through Silicon Valley, speaks to this a bit. (By the way, the title of this post is a nod to My So Called Life, just happens I copied Ben too…) As someone who has seen many companies, including his own, come and go, here is what My So Called Startup Life looks like:

The Pre-Beginning:

Something a little strange, that’s what you notice, that she’s not a woman like all the others.

- Manuel Puig, Kiss of the Spider Woman

Before you actually begin your startup life, you have to come with the idea. Often, you have played with many thoughts and ideas. In many ways, it is like dating. You work at jobs, you interact with tools and other products. You find you have a problem that needs solving.

Suddenly, there is the realization that many people have the same problem, and no one has come up with the solution. You notice that your idea is not an idea like all the others.

The Idea:

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife”

- Jane Ausen, Pride and Prejudice

When a entrepreneur finds that idea, he owns it. He loves it. It becomes the best idea EVER. The thought of the idea excites him. He cant wait to start working on it. So what does he do? Convinces others that the idea is good enough to be worth spending time.

Startup Weekend is a great example of this stage of the Startup Life. A room full of excited people who may (or may not) understand what it takes to really start–and sustain–a company wait with anticipation for “the next great idea.” This is why Fridays are often so contentious. Everyone is presenting their idea for acceptable or rejection from the group.

You can see the folks that have done this before. Usually, they have multiple ideas and are unafraid to see the ideas rejected. Usually, you will see them mutter “idiots,” under their breath, given that they must know better than the group what a good idea looks like.

You can see the folks that are doing this for the first time. Tenative in their presentation; Passionate in their pitch, they put forth their single idea. Perhaps they have already spent some time and money on the project. But, if their idea is rejected, their shoulder slump and their eyes close slightly, and they slink back to their chairs defeated.

This is not just at Startup Weekend. I hear multiple pitches, and the reactions are the same. People that see their idea as wealth and become wedded to it, are usually not people that can take a startup out of the beginning stage.

Work Begins:

“My mother died today, or perhaps it was yesterday.”

- Albert Camus, The Stranger

Consuming is really an understatement at this point. You might be bootstrapping, perhaps your friends and family have provided a bit of seed capital for you. But, now, your new business, with its snazzy new name, starts for real.

Perhaps you have convinced a good friend to leave her job to help you out, or perhaps you have walked away from something solid and stable. Fear sets in and nothing else matters.

And this fuels the pure excitement of building a startup. Will you get to the market before your competitors? Will people think your concept is cool? What happens when I need more money than my mom can provide?

22 hour days become the norm. You are doing things you never thought you could or would. It is this time that everyone equates with “being an entrepreneur.” It is at this moment that everyone thinks “Man, this So Called Startup Life is hard, but fun. I am running my own ship. I will conquer the world.”

This is also where most startups fail, and the real leaders/entrepreneuers begin to separate from the rest. I would hazard to guess that 99% of people that consider themselves entrepreneurs are addicted to this phase of the Startup Life, and once the business moves much past this, they suddenly lose interest, and put the word “serial” in front of their “entrepenuer” classificiation.

Acceleration Begins:

“Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongye taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta”

- Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

Now you have something to show the world. Probably not everyone in the world, but enough to know you are on to something. You realize that the only way to continue is to grow, and not just grow, but GROW. Fast. The search for capital begins.

And, as an entreprenuer, you go through a couple of stages. You get your first no, you begin to question the value of what you built. Do people care? Why dont investors see the same thing I do?

Then an investor bites. Maybe a couple, and then the tune changes. You are the best thing since sliced bread. Kool-aid is passed around and you drink. You begin to believe that with a little influx of cash you will accelerate your business to the “next level.”

Kool-aid is drunk; sweet nothings are whispered in your ear, and a term sheet is signed. The money gets wired, and now nothing can stop you.

What most entreprenuers dont realize is that at that exact moment, the excitement of building a company in a garage; the thrill of discovery and the adrenaline of birthing a company ends.

Sure, there are multiple new challenges, but you now have a boss (its called the board), and you have to start hiring people who just want a job. They dont live and breath your idea like you do.

The fun is over. Your startup is no longer your startup. It is now a business, and it has to deal with all the issues of a business. If its small enough, you can no longer code or do the things you enjoyed when it was you and a buddy. Now you have to worry about things like buying pencils, and payroll.

So many entreprenuers try to recreate that energy of the early times. They throw lavish parties; they build unique office spaces. But mostly they look outside their four walls, and wonder why they ever started a business in the first place.

Startup Life Ends:

“All children, except one, grow up.”

– J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

That the decision the entreprenuer must make, does he grow up and run a business, or does he run for the hills and and back to the style they enjoy?

Most entrepreneur become useless when its time to run a business. To me, these are just idea guys. These are just people who enjoy the concept of a startup, but dont want to put forth the effort of building a business. They will have multiple “companies” running at the same time, because to focus on one means that you have to become a business guy.

But thats why events like Startup Weekend are so successful. They attempt to recreate the exciting times of a startup. A Business Weekend, with an HR group, an operations group, a finace group, etc would be poorly attended, because there is nothing exciting about that.

But, here is the rub: Businesses make money. Startups cost money. So if you want to be a real startup guy, and live a real startup life, see a business through from beginning to middle to end. You will find that the next thing you start will be enriched for the experience.

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