Every Saturday morning, I catch up on all the television shows I have missed through out the week. Usually, they include ER, which I have watched from the first episode. On Thursday, they had their 300th episode, and while it was good, a character told a parable that reminded me of what a startup CEO needs to be able to say.

A young boy saw a large rock in his backyard, and asked his mother if he could move it.

“Of course you can,” she replied. “You just have to use all your strength.”

So, the boy put both hands under the rock and strained to life the rock to no avail. He furrowed his brow, and reset his hands, and again the effort lead to no movement. Undaunted, the boy took a step back, surveyed the rock, picked the best place to lift it, slide his hands under the rock and with a mighty grunt moved the rock not a single inch.

“Mom, I thought you said I could lift the rock,” the boy lamented.

“Sometimes,” his mother said, “Using all your strength means saying ‘I need help.’”

And together the boy and his mother lifted the rock.

I Need Help.

As a CEO, or a leader, everyone is looking to you to not only make a decision, but also the right decision. The team has to trust that its leader is strong enough to handle every decision, every curve ball, every failure. The CEO is ASKED for help; but never asks, since that is often a sign of weakness.

I see this happen often in the startup environment in two very distinct ways:

1) A founder puts together a great idea, they convince others to help them build the idea. Perhaps, they even convince someone to give them a lot of money to build out the idea. Things are going well, everything that the CEO does seems right, but slowly, almost inperceptively (is that a word?), expectations begin to rise, the decisions become bigger and more important. Often the young startup CEO believes so strongly in himself–he has drunk his own Kool-aid–that he wrongly believes that he has the capacity to make any decision, and fears needing help from others so much, that he never asks for help or accepts it when offered. Perhaps they have even reached a point where the fear of appearing weak is so daunting that they dont realize they need help, and continue to soldier on.

2) A series of things happen to put the business on a rocky road. Perhaps large clients have left; perhaps money was spent with the anticipation of more coming in through investment or revenue. But through it all the CEO continues to believe in his ability to lead and make the right decisions. Again, when presented with the opportunity for receiving help, the fear of appearing weak overcomes logic, and the CEO passes on the support.

Through out my career, including helping build businesses or running my own, I have always believed that a GREAT leader was a STRONG leader. And a STRONG leader never needed help, since if you need help, you are no longer in control, and an out of control leader is WEAK.

Looking back on my past successes, I see now that I should have used all my strength in moving boulders, and asked for help. Looking to my future, I realize that while I can do A LOT of things on my own, I can not do EVERYTHING.

So, when I come to you and utter the words “I Need Help.” I hope that you, as I do know, see it as using all my strength.

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